During recovery I have learned so much about myself, my eating disorder, and recovery etc. But one thing that seems to be the most important during my recovery is motivation! Without it I don't think I would be able to recover from my ED.
These past few weeks as summer has finally begun something hit me and it hit me hard! I used to be the queen of fashion, I loved to shop and dress up as I have soo many clothes. But I must admit my ED has totally robbed me off that. During my ED I have hardly care what I look like and I hate that. During the winter I would just throw on sweats to cover my body and it wasn't a big deal. But now as the summer is here with the hot temperatures I can't cover my body in sweatshirts and sweatpants as I need to start wearing summer clothes.
But the problem is that i look absolutely horrible in summer clothes and I hate the way my body looks as it is NOT the way it should look! I hate how skinny my arms and legs are and how my chest bones stick out, it is gross and I can't stand it!!
This hit me last week when the temperatures were really hot and I was wearing light sweatpants and a t-shirt and it sucked. I was sweating to death as I was wishing I could wear my summer clothes like everyone else. I also hate the fact that it is summertime and I can't even go swimming or wear a bathing suit and feel comfortable in it without people looking at me like a freak.
That is why I went out shopping a few days ago and bought a super cute outfit that I can't wait to wear once I get better! My motivation now is to be able to look happy, healthy, comfortable, and beautiful in my clothes! Every time that I struggle with ED thoughts or eating I just remind myself that each step I take in ignoring ED will just get me closer and closer to recovery and closer to being able to wear all my clothes!
Last night I tried on the dress with all of the accesories and showed my mom. Yeah I know you are probably thinking why I did that! Well I decided to show her because I felt this impulse all of a sudden as I was just so happy in myself that I WANT to 100% recover and be able to wear this outfit soon! When I think of how good my life will be after I recover I get in such a good mood and can't wait to recover each day and become that much closer to beating ED. I know it may sound weird but it's true for me!
I showed my mom the outfit and I told her how good I would look in this outfit with more weight on me and she began to smile and cry at the same time because she obvs loved the outfit but more importantly she was happy to hear that I finally realized how I need to gain weight not only to look normal in clothes but more importantly to be HEALTHY!
But like I said yesterday in my post I just keep taking it day by day and that is the only way to do it!
What motivates you these days?!
15 comments:
Lovely lost Jenna! Seriously.
You're doing so well.
I have an ED too. Well, two actually: binge eating disorder and compulsive overeating.
You've inspired me to buy an outfit to put on my closet door to motivate me to work hard to reach my goal weight. Thank you.
it's so good that you can see that about yourself and it's motivation to go recovery instead of to trigger you to slipping further back :)
This is so amazing that you are feeling so motivated!! I find it helpful to have something tangible that I am working toward in recovery. People always tell me to "do it for me" and I am like I am.... but I am doing it for school and to be able to travel and stuff like that..... that IS me. Recovery for the sake of recovery doesn't work for me. It's just a foreign concept. I like my eating disorder too much (as much as I HATE some parts of it) and emotionally, I am going to go towards the ED. I need to think logically to recover, and think about all the things I want in life and can't have because of my ED.
To me.... I get terrified in summer because I know I've gained weight and I feel like people will judge me for gaining and doing better..... summer is hard no matter where you are at in your ED. But I do love summer!!
hey jenna, i was the same exact way! and you know what? now that i've gained my weight back, everyone ALWAYS compliments me on how great i look. it was kind of weird at first, but then i realized how hard i had worked for all of this. you learn to soak it in and just enjoy yourself :)
keep that motivation up girl, and go shopping for cute clothes! it was one thing that helped me out!
♥ lindsey
I think it's great motivation! I use to love buying clothes and trying on new stuff, and now I can't stand it because they don't fit me normally in places. It's sad! I want to be able to wear a bathing suit this summer too, but I'm probably going to wait till next summer when I KNOW I will have put an adequate amount of weight on. I hope we can enjoy a summer like everyone else in the future!
<3 Tori
jenna!! im sooo glad u posted this!!!im in the SAME situation and i have all thes cute summer clothes i want to wear...before the summer ends!!!!!!!!! lets do this. i might need ur help! i luv u and i dont feel so alone!!
you can do it...clothes are my motivation, too :)
i always windowshop and imagine myself wearing all those pretty dresses :)
honestly when i realized i had let my fashion and dressing up slip, that was when i realized i wanted to get better - because i freaking love clothes how could i give that up for anything!??! You sound wonderful Jenna ... take each day at a time but this is a great great path you're on ... thinking of you
Great motivation!!! And I love your positive, kick-butt attitude! Amazing. I also love that you've involved your mom in your goals!! You're beautiful!!
what an absolutely wonderful post,
I wish you the best, Jenna
Ahh hun this is EXACTLY the same motivation for me!!! i hate the way i look right now, and now that the sun is out and people are wearing pretty summer dresses and cut off shorts and i cant wear any of them because i cant stand the stares that i get when i let my skinny body out into the open! i dont even like wearing t-shirts at the mo cos of my arms :-(
So yest i opened up my cupboard and went thru all the clothes that i have stashed away and vowed to myself that i WOULD be able to wear some of them soon. its the kick that i needed to help me get myself back on track... i hope it works!!!
good luck with your recovery and i hope you get to wear your gorge new outfit soon xxx
I think by trying on this dress, you took a really big step. Good for you, keep it going.
Hey Jenna!
The exact same thing inspired me to recover last summer, to be able to wear summer clothes. I know it sux to be sweating away, but dont let it get to you, just know that you are doing the right things to get to where u want to be and focus on that. In the meantime, I found longtops and cropped leggings work for the summer! i havent got a motivator at the mo, which kinda sucks! there is always, health, family, longlife, but soemtimes i need something more tangible, do u know what i mean?
anyway, keep trekking
fi
xxxx
Yay Jenna, were so happy for you! And that outfit is adorable. hope all is well. XOXO
Hey Jenna!
I just tried the combination of Annie's mac and cheese with a can of tuna, and it was delicious! It reminded me of tuna casserole. Thanks for the idea!
I think that you will look beautiful in that outfit no matter what size you are, but I give you kudos for finding a source of motivation to reach a healthy weight.
As always, thank you for blogging!
-Emily
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