Just checking in

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Why hello lovies! Just doin' a quick lil check in ;) For the past week or so have been going really well for me and I just hope I can keep things rollin' in this same direction! I am just totally sick of this whole ED and how it has ruined more of my life than I would have liked and he is NOT going to take away any more of my life...this is IT!

I met with my therapist on Monday and she really is the best! I work very well with her and we have worked on so much together already. The main thing I have learned and have been using lately is to focus on the PRESENT (like I have said before) and to forget about the past because it is over and done with and to stop worrying about the future because there is nothing I can do about it now and if I do what I need to do now in the present then the future will take care of itself. I must say it has been working for me! We also talked about what to do to prevent be going downhill which usually happens for me after a few weeks in recovery when ED tells me I have done well for a few weeks and now I can take it easy but he is NOT true!

I have been very busy nanying lately in this HOT summer weather!I have been having yogurt messes because they are perfect for on the go and tasty obvs, especially these lil packets of Justin's peanut butter!Lovin' pb crackers and sudoku puzzles. I am pretty sure I am addicted to these! They have been keeping me sane and busy while the kiddos are having down time during my 15 hour shifts :oSubway Turkey, swiss, lettuce, and tomato on wheat with pretzels and an apple.I had a ham sandwich the other day and boy let me tell you I was not happy with it! I thought the ham was very salty (yuck!) and would have much rather prefered my turkey but we were all out but alas mom went grocery shopping today so we are now all stocked up.

Clif Bars where have you been!? I sure have missed them and I am SO glad I brought them back ;)
One of my fav Clifs is Chocolate Chip and this was the first time I heated it up in the micro and it was amazing! Do try it, you will not be disappointed!But I must remind you do NOT put the wrapper in the micro or else it will make some weird noise and you will quickly remember it is metal and immediately open the door and proceed to put the bar on a plate instead. It's not like I did this or anything at all ;)Another fav is Oatmeal Rasisin Walnut. Need I say more about the Chocolate Brownie? I mean let's be real it tastes just like a homemade chocolate brownie! Yumms.

Dinners have been going real well for me lately.
Dinner while nannying last night. Italian chicken, corn on the cob, broccoli, and sweet potatoes that I made! I LOVE making my own meals now :) It is a sense of accomplishment and a good feeling in my recovery!Trader Joe's salmon, pasta salad, broccoli, and a roll with butter.BBQ on Sunday at the cousin's house. If you haven't already noticed from my posts this summer, I go to lots of cookouts and I LOVE it! That is what summer is all about. I had a cheeseburger along with some pasta salad and some chips not pictured.

I was so proud of myself for this dinner because at previous cook outs this summer (when I wasn't doing all that well in my recovery) I would get my food and then go up in the screen porch and eat by myself. Of course this was such an ED behavior. I just didn't want my family looking at me and the food I was eating or not eating. I mean the whole concept of cookouts is to eat and mingle, right?!

But this past cookout my mom and I arrived later and everyone else already eaten. Uhh ohhh! So what was I gonna do, get my food and go up and eat alone? HELL NO! I was hungry and I was gonna get my food and sit down at the table by the pool and eat my dinner even though everyone else had finished eating and was currently talking. I don't know what it was but something just hit me and I did what I wanted to do and not what ED wanted to do! I got my plate and sat down and got eating and talking, it felt great! Even though I saw my aunt and grandma look at what I was eating I knew that was expected and I don't think those "helicopter" eyes are gonna go away from me anytime soon. But I know they are eyes of concern and love and they only want the best for me!!


I am now off to watch The Hills and The City and then getting to bed early for another full day of nannying tomorrow!


Photobucket

13 comments:

Megan D said...

Can't believe I've never though to micro a clif! YUM. I'm off to watch the hills too!

EmilyH said...

Hi Jenna!

What I love about your eats lately is that you vary what you eat so much! Way to go! You inspire me to be more bold with my food choices instead of eating the same thing everyday just because it's "safe".

I am so proud of you for ability to eat what your heart tells you to instead of listening to ED's stupid excuses about why you shouldn't eat something. It seems like your true inner voice is growing stronger and stronger so that you can tell ED to shut up!

I am definitely going to have to try warming up a Clif bar in the microwave! Why didn't I think of that before?

I have been following yours and other blogs for a long time, and I just recently discovered the courage to start my own blog. Check it out if you have some free time, but I know that your nanny job keeps you super busy! Take care!

-Emily
http://hernandezemily.blogspot.com/

graduategourmande said...

I've been missing Clif bars lately too - you're making me crave them even more!

And 15 hour shifts with kids? WOW! All I can say is I respect you a lot haha!

jqlee said...

Hey Jenna, just wanted to say that I'm happy for you that you are doing well in your recovery process. Eating alone is definitely an ED habit, I used to HATE eating in front of ppl too. I felt "monitored" and I resented it. But like you said, they are just watching because they care right? Happy summer!

Jessica said...

I've put regular granola bars in the mircrowave, but not a cliff bar. Great idea!

peaceluvmunchies said...

Your dinners look delish - and glad to hear everything is going so well with your therapist!

katie anne said...

so proud of u! i tend to to the same thing as family bbqs and cook outs,but if u can do it i can too... i hope. no big deal right? i think we draw MORE attention to ourselves with our (my)stange habits! but i totally hear you on having ur family look at what ur eating. i get soooo anxious and fustrated!!!! but its understandable that they do this. when ur nannying, how do you handle dinner? like do you cook ur own stuff or for the whole family? btw are u nannying for ur cousins? jw...hang in there! im here for u!
ps. i microwaved my cliff bar in the micro too..in the wrapping. the microwave made some crazy noises and there was like a flash of light and i smelled burnt metal...followed by my mom screaming! lol
xoxooxxoxoxoxo

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear you are working hard and are open with your therapist. You said on your formspring that your bmi is 15. I hope you can continue to be honest with your team and think about some level of treatment because that is very scary and and very dangerous. Good luck.

EmilyH said...

Hi Jenna!

1. I just warmed my granola bar in the microwave...YUMM!!
2. I accidentally gave you the wrong link to my blog, so here it is: http://emilykateh.blogspot.com/

-Emily

alexa meany said...

hey jenna! looks like all is going well SO GLAD FOR YOU!! :) you are becoming quite the chef! I must tell you of all your eats, you always make me crave pretzels- good thing i restocked today! happy nannying pretty girl!

Jenna said...

thanks gals :)

livelaughlovehopeeat said...

Where did you get those PB packets!!! I love things that are pre-measured. I am at this point where I still need to measure EVERYTHING I eat.... so if thats already done, I look like less of a freak.
I understand feeling like you are being stared at and wanted to just eat alone.... I'm SO proud of you for getting past that and expanding the variety of foods you eat.. Its truly inspiring!

losinged said...

Way to go with the BBQ and socializing. I have had that habit in the past too to take the food and run. Now I am much better about that. Your dinners look really yummy too! I am so happy that you are doing well. Way to go.

Oh, I loveeeeee the Hills and the City too. They are my guilty pleasures.

Post a Comment