Happy Sunday! I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and I bet you are bummed it has come to an end so soon. I woke up to rain this morning, boo! It has been raining here ALL day, hopefully it will stop soon.
Before I get onto my meals for today I just want to thank all of you who are commenting on my blog expressing your concern about me and my health and I know you all just want be to be healthy again as I do too. I read ALL of your comments and take them to heart and I appreciate all the wonderful advice you give me. It really means a lot! I know some of you think I read what you have to say and let it go in one ear and out the other, but that is NOT the case at all!
Anyways onto my eats for the day. Breakfast this morning featured a different cereal for all of you out there wanting me to switch things up. I had some Kashi Honey Sunshine instead of the usual Kashi Go Lean. If only the weather brought some sunshine through the window, it would have made breaky all that better ;)
In the mess I had 1 cup Kashi Honey Sunshine, Brown Cow Vanilla yogurt, and a sliced banana topped with Crazy Richard's CREAMY peanut butter.
I have only had Honey Sunshine cereal once before when Kashi sent out those free mini boxes for sample. I forgot how much I really enjoyed this cereal and I was glad I had it again this morning and I can't wait to have it again. The combination of honey, vanilla, banana, and peanut butter went lovely together ;)
Lunch was the usual, turkey & swiss wrap with pretzels, an apple, and milk.
Then dinner was the return of the VEGGIE BURGER where ED did not beat me tonight!I had a veggie burger with cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes on whole wheat bread, a large fruit cup, and milk.
In the mess I had 1 cup Kashi Honey Sunshine, Brown Cow Vanilla yogurt, and a sliced banana topped with Crazy Richard's CREAMY peanut butter.I have only had Honey Sunshine cereal once before when Kashi sent out those free mini boxes for sample. I forgot how much I really enjoyed this cereal and I was glad I had it again this morning and I can't wait to have it again. The combination of honey, vanilla, banana, and peanut butter went lovely together ;)Lunch was the usual, turkey & swiss wrap with pretzels, an apple, and milk.
Then dinner was the return of the VEGGIE BURGER where ED did not beat me tonight!I had a veggie burger with cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes on whole wheat bread, a large fruit cup, and milk.Ever since last Wednesday when I struggled having the veggie burger for lunch after seeing the chef using oil, I put that all in the past, forgot about it, and ordered the veggie burger with no problems or regrets!
Tonight is going to be a nice relaxing night. I finished all of my homework since it was raining out and tonight both The Amazing Race and Celebrtity Apprentice are on!
Night y'all!
39 comments:
return of the veggie burger = hooray!
yess i know! i was very proud of myself for ordering it tonight :)
Ridiculous. Good luck Jenna. I honestly wish you the best and hope you can overcome your eating disorder, this is so insulting to everyone who has been worried about you. Actually it's not even insulting, it's just how you are, or hopefully how your eating disorder is.
I hope you spend some time really thinking about whats been said and the time and energy and concern people have for you, because it all seems very genuine and your reply is just as it always is-aloof and dismissive. I'm sorry to everyone who is hoping you will "get it". I'm sorry for you.
Praying for you, that you will realize the gift you have in your friends and supports before you don't have them. Or, before you do too much damage to yourself.
I don't know.
I wish you good luck.
I'm sorry Jenna. I've never really commented before but it's really sad to read all these anon comments, and then see no change. Changing your cereal is not enough. This obviously isn't normal. Don't you want to be able to eat normally again? Not have to be concerned about food every second of your life? It's the same thing every time and it's hard to believe you even want to change.
I dunno Jenna. It's good to be proud about (gasp!) getting a veggie burger, but let's be real here. You're not going out of your way to solve this.
:o)
Glad you had a good day Jenna! I have not tried any Kashi cold cereal besides Heart to Heart. I prefer oatmeal/oatbran/cream of wheat (hot cereal) which is why! But love to snack on Kashi cold.. maybe it will be my next purchase!
sherry g- i was just wondering what is not normal with the foods i do eat? i don't think there is anything wrong with it! Although i do eat them pretty much every day in my recovery, they are working! so why switch something up if it is working?!
Jenna
stacia- i am not trying to make anyone feel insulted at all! i read all the comments and advice people have given me and i really do listen to them! i know they just want the best for me, as do i.
Jenna
molls- the honey sunshine is a great cereal! but i do love heart to heart as well :)
Jenna
I'm sorry Jenna I meant like not taking the advice to change things up isn't normal, not necessarily what you eat. Although I don't believe in low fat/reduced fat/ or skim anything. I just thought that your behavior of ignoring advice..
Alright, fine. This was the first time I said anything after following you for so long and I guess it was a mistake.
Like Stacia said, hopefully you don't do too much damage to yourself.
Jenna
Whats not normal is the fact that you eat meals that are calorically equivalent to SOMEONE ON A DIET TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT
god damnit jenna, if some girl with an ED reads your blog thinking this is OKAY eating for someone who needs to recover and gain weight it could be absolutely devastating to their recovery! STOP BEING SO SELFISH!!!!!
you always say "i don't think". Well guess what jenna it's not about what YOU THINK. you are not educated about nutrition you DON'T KNOW what is normal and healthy. and don't try and knock me because i am in school learning about this shit.
Jenna, the reason why it isn't normal is because you eat it every single day. An important part of recovery is getting over fear foods, and these are all clearly foods you are extremely comfortable wiht. Not only that, but these meals look like something that someone on a diet would eat. Honestly. It is really sad. This is getting really frustrating Jenna. I wish you would make some much needed changes.and again, honey sunshine has LESS calories than go lean! I'd rather se you eating go lean every day. I don't know, i've done all I can do. I'm worried, I think you need to amke some major changes, but if you don't see that, then i'm really sorry and hope one day your family can come to their senses and realize you are struggling. Did you have your snacks? idk girl, stay strong.. just don't let ed dictate all your decisions.
Awesome job with the veggie burger, babe! Way to not let ED mess with a delicious dinner :)
<3 jess
xoxo
agreed with shelley. you are either playing dumb or seriously blind. if you are SERIOUSLY GAINING on this amount, then you must have SERIOUSLY SHOT your metabolism, and that should be even more incentive to boost your intake and fight to recover. if i ate this, i'd drop 10 pounds in a month. i eat about DOUBLE this and don't gain a pound. it's just sad how you don't take advice or help and you thrive on gaining readers. this isn't a game - it's your life. sorry to sound harsh, but i hate to see you - OR ANYONE - like this. i'm sorry but i can't read your blog anymore. and, though i'm sure the only comment you're going to respond with is "sorry you can't read my blog anymore!", i hope you actually listen to what i'm trying to say, quit this blog (since it is NOT helping), and get help. we'll be here when you are ready to commit. all the best.
ps. i could have easily posted as an anon, but it wouldn't make a difference. you need to see that PEOPLE WHO HAVE SUPPORTED YOU FOR MONTHS are getting annoyed and frustrated by your refusal to take advice and your disregard of comments. if i'm hated for it, then so be it.
I'm glad to see you faced a fear and got that veggie burger (seriously...I know how hard that must of been for you), but the switch to Honey Sunshine is more of a step backwards. We wanted you to try something HIGHER in calories like a granola, not a cereal that has fewer calories. As someone who has been reading your blog since last summer (note that there were periods where I stopped reading because you were behaving as you are now), I honestly can't believe you. If you really cared about recovery, you would listen to what we're all saying about the diet your nutritionist has approved, voice your concerns to your parents, and do something about all of this. Someone said this a few months back, but I feel like your ED feeds off of the negative comments you recieve, and that you enjoy the attention bloggers give you. Sometimes I even wonder if you write some of the negative anon comments to get more readers. Overall, I think you're being extremely selfish.
You once said you wanted to recover to set a good example for you sister. If you truly believe you are eating on a weight-gain diet, what do you think your sister should be eating on a maintenance diet? Think about it.
- Ava (This is the first time I'm commenting in recent months, and though I used to do it anonymously, I don't want a negative response from you just because I didn't give a name.)
is that a fat free milk with dinner??
Shelley just said everything I was going to say.
And anon 9 is right, but more so, Jenna... I dont know.
I've also done all I can.
Jenna, I am so worried about you. It does not look like you are eating enough...to be completely honest your dinner looks like what someone on maintenance or even a diet would eat. You are missing some very crucial things in your meal plan. From what I have seen, it doesn't look like you are getting enough fat. It looks like you put one tablespoon of PB in your yogurt messes (forgive me if I'm wrong); why not have two? Fats are nothing to be afraid of, they help protect your organs and make your hair shiny and healthy. Fat is essential for people recovering from an eating disorder, especially if you aren't getting your period. I used to have an extreme fear of fat but now I know how important it is. I have 4-5 servings of fat a day (I go through PB jars quite quickly :) Also I've noticed that you eat the same things every day. It is great that you have found something you are comfortable eating, but you shouldn't limit yourself to those foods every day. There are so many other things out there you could be eating and enjoying! Weight restoration is only part of recovery. If you don't challenge yourself to different foods you will never have a true recovery! Another thing I want to mention is the Boost drinks. It seems like you use them as a crutch; rather than eat real food which may be more challenging, you rely on Boost.
I apologize if anything I've said comes across as mean, as that is not my intention at all. I am always afraid to criticize others even if it is constructive criticism because I don't want to seem mean, but for something as serious as an eating disorder I think it is imperative that something is said. I want to help you Jenna. I've been where you are before and the advice I'm offering comes from my own experiences. You are such a sweet girl and I would hate for your eating disorder to prevent you from doing things YOU want to do.
Take care sweetie and please take my and everyone else's suggestions into consideration.
Hey girl! I think Shelley hit the nail on the head and I think that you really need to go back and read comment 11 again and truly dig into each sentence that she says. I have been reading your blog lately, but I just haven't had the courage to comment because I am not sure what to say. I challenge you to have one day where you eat completely different foods. Not just change your cereal, but eat different things. Girl, that is the fun of eating...getting to try new things and fuel your body with varying nutrients and what not. Avocado, Scrambled Eggs, Omelets stuffed with tons of veggies and cheese, Tuna Salad Sammies, Grilled Cheese, Oatmeal, Mac N Cheese...You see, I don't think that you need suggestions because you read so many great blogs that feature so many great food options. What you need is incentive to CHANGE and try new food options. Challenge yourself to try a new meal from one of your many bloggie friends each day. It could be fun! Think about this girl. You need to make some major changes. I say this because I care about you and can't stand to see each post and how similar they always are.
Jenna-i can't read any longer either. I'm glad people are finally saying what I've been trying to say to you for months, I hope you will listen, but like Lyss said-I dont' think you will-but I hold out hope you will listen, and GET THE HELP YO NEED! Your blog isn't a recovery blog honey, it is a blog of someone w/ an ed in denial and it is not helpful to you or your readers especially because you aren't being true. And, you comment that people are eating so much when we are eating normal amounts. That is, well..that isn't fair but it just show how much the disease has over you. I hope you go get residential help.
I can't keep reading.
I'm sorry
Julie
and please dont insult us w/ a a short "Sorry you can't read" or "I take your comments"-like Lyss said, go get the help and then make the commitment. You will have all the support you could ever hope for.
Until then.
I hope you do what you know you need to do.
To everyone else, keep striving and thank you for saying what so many of us have been trying to say
Katie
Jenna,
Like Lyss, I am so done reading your blog. It is just so depressing and sad to read. I hope you can overcome this, but the only one that can make the change is YOU. If you decided right now that you need to check into impatient, I can guarantee you that EVERYONE will be behind you and fighting for you, including your family and nutritionist. Unfortunately, the only one that can make that kind of decision is YOU. School will always be there, your life may not be.
Hey I was just wondering if your family/friends know about your blog?
I read an anon post (#10) that I think you should just ignore. Do what's good for you and you said you are gaining so keep up the eats. Yay for veggie burgers - oil and all :) PLUS CHEESE!
Aw, hun. I think you are handling this entire situation in the most brave and mature way you can. You eat that veggie burger, it's delicious, you deserve to enjoy it, and it does your body good :)
I too, am done reading your blog Jenna. And to all you people out there cheering Jenna on with eating the ridiculous DIET food she eats day after day... STOP!!! YOU AREN'T HELPING HER!!! Can't you all see what you are doing? You are telling her it's okay to continue eating this way. Well, it's not.
Jenna, good luck. I sincerely mean that. I will pray for you.
Jenna do not listen to any of these anon commenters, you are doing great! You alone know what is good for your body. You want a yog mess every morning - eat it! You like the same kind of cereal, so what. I have a green smoothie every morning and i have been for like 6 months, what does that mean about my diet? You are also making gains!
Please stay strong and try not to let these comments bother you.
xoxo
Jenna,
I truly hope you will take what everyone is saying and know that there are a lot of people who are concerned for you and here to support you. I agree, please re-read Shelleys comment and Lyss, all of them-really take in each word and think about what you are doing.
You can make the changes, you just need some help in doing so. There are great programs out there that can help you.
Katie
i get really annoyed when i see anon comments, and from reading back into your blog i can see that even though they might think they are helping it doesnt help ED when people are attacking you from all sides. sometimes for us criticism has the opposite effect- it goes backwards. i really think that if you are getting all your calories you are supposed to be getting in a day with the food you are eating- we are not here to tell you what is wrong or right- your nutritionist should be the one telling you. i really also think that you might just be eating the same foods because they are comfortable, which happens to all of us at some point. shoot, i eat the same things day in and day out because they are easy, cheap, and cheap and easy. i believe that at some time in recovery we stall. you might be stalling right now where you are eating safe foods, and not taking chances.. and honestly- i'll say it again, as long as you are getting in your calories for the day and not skipping meals - i have nothing "bad" to say about that except keep trying. keep going, pick your chin up and know that in spite of maybe stalling here for a few you are still a human being with feelings, with everything going for you. i dont want to keep babbling, but i'll keep rooting for you.
i think the people who are shouting their concern from the rooftops are concerned, but their delivery is making them come across as bitchy and obnoxious.
GIRLIE!! you are gorgeous and lovely!! please don't ever let a measly morsel of food scare you! kick ED in the a$$!!! I hope the rain stops and that SUNshine fills your monday!!...ill send some your way! ;) xoxo!!
Jenna,
I know that this just sounds like white noise at this point, but your blog is called "Jenna's Journey" and I'm sorry to say that it doesn't look like you are going anywhere. I myself, like most of the ladies here, know how easy it is to fool yourself into thinking you are further into recovery than you are, simply because you are eating more than you ate at your lowest point. I understand safe foods, believe me I do, but everyday cannot be the same. I used to eat oatmeal every single day for breakfast when I first started recovery, and it was wonderful that I was eating more than usual, but it came to the point where I was afraid to mix it up. I finally realized that this lack of variety screamed of ED, and while I love oatmeal, I was hiding behind it. I was too comfortable. Variety is the spice of life, and it just seems like everyday is the same for you. You wake up, repeat yesterday, and then do it again. That is not living life to the fullest. I am not blaming you, because we have all done some pretty disordered things out of fear, and I don't think anyone here doesn't understand where you are coming from. But at this point, it is frustrating to even read. I know before your page even loads that you had a "yogurt mess" for breakfast, and a turkey sandwich for lunch. I dare you to eat, just one day, something that you remember you enjoyed from your childhood for breakfast. Pancakes? With syrup or butter? I know that probably sounds impossible to you right now, but the only way to get out your comfort zone, and thus, out of your ED, is to just do it! I know you can, if I could. We are all rooting for you, it is just hard to watch someone refuse to truly get help. Recovery cannot be something that is done halfway. You must challenge yourself daily. I urge you to listen to this. I urge you to change up the meat in your sandwich. I urge you to have dessert. I urge you to realize that one day is not going to make or break your weight, but it will help knock down the mental blocks ED fought so hard to build. You can do this. Only you can.
-Abby
good looking eats, lady! love that honey sunshine, reminds me of capn crunch :) have a fab week!!
I got caught up in the "eat the same thing every day" deal.. I had oatmeal (with the same type of mix ins) every single day... but in order to fully recover you really have to branch out! You should try granola.. so what if it has more fat or calories? You are TRYING to gain weight.. you don't have to do it while eating the same foods.... Why not try fage 2% instead of the fat free yogurt?!
I like the honey cereal--it is lovely! Haha, although I rarely actually eat it for breakfast and have it for snacks!
Congrats on your veggie burger, I hope you enjoyed every single ED free bite and moment :)
Do you hear yourself? You are proud of yourself for eating a VEGGIE BURGER. You have to be kidding me. I don't care if you saw them put a little oil on there. Oil is good for you and will make your hair shiny again!If you are scared to eat a freakin veggie burger...don't pretend like you are recovering. You are a joke.
Jenna- It's not anyone's business if you are struggling or striving. We shouldn't judge you so I just wanted to say I'm cheering you on and hoping you are doing well and if not then I hope things start going well. I really can't believe you still blog bc people just bash you in every single post. Keep on keeping on!
Jenna, I too have been reading your blog and must speak out. The foods you eat are the foods I ate during my ED. Especially the fat free greek yogurts, golean, veggie burgers, turkey sandwiches, etc. In fact, I was eating what you were eating when I was relapsing. I won't lie... when I read your blog it made me feel guilty for eating towards recovery and I did feel triggered. But then I realized that what I was doing was right... and what you're doing... I don't know. Good luck Jenna. One day you will be able to eat different foods and enjoy them. I know I have. But you must break out of your comfort zone first. You can recover and eat all the same things... but that would only be your body. What about mentally? What about when you are invited to go out and eat with friends and family? You need to get out of this cycle and then you can really live your life with no silly regrets or worries like oil on your veggie burger. Life's too short.
Everyone needs to chill the fuck out. The girl is doing her best jesus christ you don't need to be so fucking rude.
K- one of my goals this week is to actually add some granola into my breakfast!
Carly,
No one is being rude. If none of us cared about Jenna, we would pat her on the back for a job well done, but if we are being honest with ourselves and with Jenna, we know that she isn't going full steam with recovery right now.
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