A new start to a new week

Monday, March 15, 2010

Hey everyone! Hope ya had a good start to the week. My day has gone pretty well so far. Despite the fact it has been raining for the past like 34635 hours (exaggerating obvs!) But I am totally serious, this rain better stop soon. Kinda gettin' sick of it. But hey like they say April showers bring May flowers ;) But oh yeah it's only March. Oh well!

I don't know if anyone else has this problem but whenever daylight savings time comes around each year, my body gets totally thrown off! I could not fall asleep at all last night ;/ I finally fell asleep around 1:30 and then I was up at the crack of dawn, at 5:30, a solid 4 hours of sleep. So of course I took out the iPhone to keep myself busy until 7am when I got outta bed when it was still dark outside! So not used to this new time change yet!
Breakfast was a yogurt mess of Vanilla Brown Cow yogurt, 1 cup Kashi Heart to Heart Honey Toasted Oats, a banana, and PB & Co. DCD peanut butter on top.All mixed up.I also had Creamy Vanilla Pearl Soy Milk with breakfast. This was my first time trying this milk and I was expecting it to be a lot better than it was. Some of friends drink it and they really love it but I couldn't taste the Vanilla flavor at all. I was not a big fan and I like my regular cow's milk better :)Morning snack was a Power C Machine Naked Juice and a Fruit & Nut Delight Kind Bar. I really like this flavor and if you haven't tried them I recommend you do! Lunch was on the go and eaten in between classes since I have two classes then lab from 11:30 til 3:20. I had a turkey & swiss whole wheat wrap with pretzels, an apple, fruit cup, and milk. I took this pic before I started eating and then I decided to have the fruit cup instead of the apple!This afternoon after lab I got some work done on my Theology essay and had a new flavor LaraBar...Apple Pie! This flavor was good, I liked the chunks of apple in it and the taste of cinnamon! Dinner tonight I decided to challenge myself! As you know pasta has always been one of my fear foods but on my blog lately I have been having it more and more as I am getting more comfortable with it!

Some people think pasta isn't really a fear food of mine because I seem to feel fine eating it since I have had it more recently on my blog. But the truth is it is still one of my fear foods! But when I do eat it I really enjoy it! I just don't like to have it all the time.

So I decided I need to be more creative with my meals and while in the dining hall... like try to switch and mix up things ;) I know you all agree with that already! For dinner tonight I got the Wheat Farfalle with Asparagus & Pine Nuts, a piece of chicken, a Harvest Oat dinner roll, and Chocolate Milk!

This pasta was very good and it had a nice touch of parmesan cheese on top! I got a side piece of chicken and cut it up and topped it on top of the pasta. I also had the dinner roll which is nothing new to me. But I also had some Chocolate milk as well! I always drink regular milk so it was a nice change to have chocolate instead!

Well I am off to shower and then finish up my essay. Today was a brand new day and a new start to a new week!



Tricia said...

I LOVE Kind Bars!

Anonymous said...

your pasta looks SO good :) I dont like pasta either, mostly because its so heavy- but this recipe looks perfect! I might try to recreate it some time :)

Glad you're doing well girly!
Have a fabulous rest of your Monday...


J said...

:( you can post all the pictures you want, but Jenna you've ignored the fact that so many people are writing to you and trying to help you. I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I hope you the best, and I hope one of these days you will write a post about how these comments impact you-actually you dont even have to, because well-it doesn't matter. I can't say "good job" about your eats today because I don't really buy it, but that isn't important, if you did it then you know and that is all that matters.
I cant believe you can just post and ignore what everyone is saying. But, sometimes saying nothing says everything. so. with that I wish you luck.

Jenna said...

J- I don't believe I have ignored the fact that so many people are trying to help me! I really appreciate all their help and advice they have given me! One day I will write a post about how these comments have helped me in my recovery because i know they will! but right i don't think is the right time.
if you don't buy what i ate today, i am sorry to hear that and it really upsets me :(
Thank you for the luck-I know I can do this :)

Tori said...

I know you've gotten some pretty harsh comments before, but I do want to say that the pasta was a great choice, and I'm proud! It shows you are trying. I hope you KEEP switching up all your meals and trying new things. Life is short, and you deserve to enjoy all the yummy food that it has to offer!

Anonymous said...

Yayyyy! you are doing awesome girl! :) so proud of you!

Julie said...

Doesnt matter what we think, you know what you are doing and what is helping you. However, I think if you read back to what was said to you yesterday you will see that this isn't "recovery" this is doing better then you were at your worst, but nowhere NEAR where you should be working towards. And I have to agree, this is a pattern with you, you get called out, so to speak-you ignore it and then you post "eats" that you haven't touched in eons. I don't know Jenna, I hope the best for you, I REALLY do and I know how hard this road is, TRUST ME I do. I just wish you'd get the help you need.

No one said you can't do it, but somethings are just really big and scary and some of us know how hard it is to do weight restoration with an ed-it is scary even IN a program, and I think its those of us who are telling you that we know whats going on. ugh.
I dont' know.

You'll hear us someday, I hope someday isn't too late.
I can't keep saying the same thing so I hope you will see what you need to do, it is just to better your life.


Jess said...

Awesome job, babe! Love your mid-morning snack and pasta. Way to challenge yourself with the pasta!
<3 jess

Carly in Wonderland said...

Props on the pasta girl! You are taking steps! That is what I like to see. Keep it up with the challenges! At least one a day ok?

Anonymous said...

I was concerned about eating the same foods a lot, and addressed it to my nutritionist via email.
This is what she said:

"I do see your point about variety, and you are correct. It will be
harder for you to introduce variety down the road, even once you're
nutritionally stable. However, I have to also say it's going to be hard
no matter when we address it. I support you in wanting to address it
while still working on making progress. We just have to make sure we
find the right balance. If you try a challenging food, it may be very
tempting for you to cut back in a different area. Only you can really
say if this is true in your case or not. If so, I'd reassure you that
it's totally normal and expected. While your doctor is still encouraging
you to make forward progress, I'd say let's not set more than 1 or 2
realistic goals per week as far as variety is concerned. This way you
are still addressing it so it's at the forefront of your mind, yet it's
hopefully not so overwhelming that it takes energy away from your other goal- making progress."

I just thought that might help you a little. I challenge myself a few times a week, but otherwise I just make sure I'm getting the calories in that I need.

Just some food for thought...pun intended.

Michal said...

Good job jenna on eating one of your fear foods for dinner :) I know sometimes it can be challenging the whole mind of matter well... matter. You faced it head on and seem to be happy about it. That muffin looks good too! Oh and I love naked juices! Have you ever tried the superfood juice by odwalla? They are delish I tried one for the first time the other day!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenna,

I haven't commented before, but I feel like I should probably say something this time. I'm currently in treatment for an eating disorder (7 weeks of inpatient and 5 weeks of 12-hour per day outpatient so far). While going through this process, I've realized that I NEVER would have followed the meal plan if I hadn't been inpatient where I didn't have a choice. I have had complete anxiety attacks over eating "fear" foods, and again the only thing that pushed me to eat the food in the first place was being inpatient and being prevented from using symptoms. Even after 3 months of spending pretty much all of my time at a treatment center, I still absolutely need dieticians to supervise all my meals and push me to eat foods that I'm scared of. I truly can't believe how strong my ED is...I didn't even think that I had a problem before.

I just wanted to emphasize how time-consuming this is. Like other people are saying, if you truly want recovery, then you must consistently increase your meal plan, eat an amount of calories that will make you feel uncomfortable, and challenge yourself with "fear" foods as much as possible.

I definitely get that pasta is a fear food for you, and I completely understand your anxiety and congratulate you on your hard work. However, I think people are concerned because you're moving so slowly (I'm sorry to put it so bluntly). Have you considered getting a second opinion from a different dietician? I guess I'm confused because I eat significantly more than you do and I'm just maintaining my weight right now. Also, where are your desserts? At treatment, everyone has to have at least one dessert per day (desserts meaning big cookies, full candy bars, regular ice cream, cake, etc). Desserts are a really good way to address fear foods, as difficult as it is to eat them.

I'm just concerned, Jenna. As you know, eating disorders are extremely difficult to fight. Even if we logically know that we want to recover, the anxiety and ED thoughts can be so strong and overwhelming that we can't fight them alone. I hope you will keep considering inpatient as an option. Maybe you could talk it over with a therapist too...if you look at it honestly, do you truly feel like you can COMPLETELY change your eating habits and gain the recommend amount of weight? Additionally, will you be able to get all the ED thoughts under control so that you're able to travel and do whatever you want in the future?

Please think about it. I would not have believed anything that I just wrote before entering treatment. I hope you can look to your future, realize that you don't want to be entrenched in this ED anymore, and accept peoples' help and professionals' advice. I really enjoy your blog Jenna, please keep us updated on what's happening! xo, Rachel

em said...

hey girl,
fantastic job today switching things up and challenging yourself!
i don't want to nit pick or anything, just concerned about you and that you didn't post your afternoon snack. I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, just encourage you to stick to your meal plan AND face your fears. easier said than done, i know, but you can do it!

Anonymous said...

I am really proud of you for making a change, but you really need to be eating higher calorie foods all day to gain weight, because when in treatment I am sure that you would be on exercise restriction and I have a feeling you are really only eating enough to maintain your weight and the weight increase you are seeing on the sale is due to water and clothing!! I am sorry to say this, but I dont want to lose another "friend" to an eating disorder!! Please Take Care of yourself!! :(

Anonymous said...

yay for pasta! speaking of... i haven't had pasta in forever. looks good though!

Molly said...

I tried a new soymilk today too and it just was not as good as my regular Silk brand. Oh well! You live and your learn (REMEMBER THAT). Glad you included some variety in, even if it was slight.

Anonymous said...

PASTA IS GREAT! i've only recently rediscovered this :). great job!

Anonymous said...

Jenna, I think this has become a game with you. This blog included. If it's attention you want, why not let it be "good" attention?
This is really crazy.
I'm done with this blog.
Good luck, I truly mean that.

molly said...

Breakfast looks a bit weak, to be honest. But it definitely looks as though you challenged yourself with dinner. During my recovery, I had to challenge myself pretty much every meal. I was always uncomfortable and feeling "too feel," but I realized that is just part of it. I needed to gain weight and health and life. I think a good place to start would be to add more grains to your breakfast. Another serving of cereal or some granola? And how about trying to switch up the pretzels at lunch every day. This is advice from someone who has struggled with anorexia for 9 years and know what relaspe is like.

Anonymous said...

To the first commenter, saying that pasta is "heavy" is prob. not the most helpful.....

Anonymous said...

At least have the decency to respond to anon 12. Look how much time they spent writing out a message to you! You never want to address anyone's concern. This really HAS become a game for you and the attention you get. People just need to stop leaving you comments.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you could give yourself a goal, like no repeat lunches for a week? (or breakfasts, if that is easier to start). Do say, "give me some suggestions" because at some point in your life, you ate different things....what did you eat them? Try those things.

Jenna said...

carly- that's what i am doing! trying a differentl goal each day!

laura- thanks for those words of wisdom from your nutritionist!


Jenna said...

michal- no i haven't tried the odwalla juices yet but i have heard great reviews about them! my school sells the naked juices so i have been getting them lately!

Jenna said...

Rachel (Anon 12)- thanks so much for the comment- i definitely agree with you! Ed can be very strong and is extremely time consuming and so unecessary :(
I believe the more I challenge myself with fear foods the easier it will get and I know at first it will be hard but I gotta keep pushing. I do agree with you on how slowly my recovery is and that does bother me.
Dessserts are definitely one of my fear foods and the only way to overcome that fear is to actually have that fear food. When I was inpatient last year my nutritionist never gave me a dessert on my meal plan for me to challenge but i think she probably ahould have.
Again, I really appreciate the time you took in writing to me and I will take all the advice you have given me!

Anonymous said...


I think you are doing a wonderful job. The negative anon commenters are not doing anything to help you on your road to recovery. This has to be something that comes from you, at your own time.

That being said, maybe shaking up your meal choices a bit would be a good challenge (as someone mentioned above). Would you think about having someone else cook dinner for you one night per week? Or something like that.

Good luck!

Jenna said...

Em- I know you aren't trying to accuse me but you just want me to stick to my meal plan as well as I do too!


Jenna said...

14- I do agree with you that it will help me in recovery by eating higher calorie foods but it will also work if I just eat more of what I am comfortable with and eating right now! But some of my goals for this week are to add mre calories dense foods like granola to my breakfast!

Jenna said...

Molly- I haven't tried silk yet but I am going to soon and I hope it will taste better than pearl! I have heard silk is good though :)

Hedda said...

I just wanted to give you a tip when it comes to desert. I also had a hard time treating myself to a desert, so my nutrionist suggested I should give youghurt a try. Now I have youghurt for desert (and to lunch) every day, and it is great way to get some extra calories, without ending up feeling too full. Besides, youghurt is full of good ingredients that will help your body to heal.
I am now talking about the full-fat variant, it is not that much fat in youghurt anyway ( at least not the one they sell in Norway), and you are definetely not in a situation were you have to reduce the amount of fat in a product. I know you eat youghurt for breakfast, but it is no harm in eating it several times a day.
Make it a challenge!


Jenna said...

Anon 18- I don't feel like my blog is a game at all and I really do not want all this bad attention, that is the last thing i want. i was never that girl growing up who seeked the attention from everyone, that was never me and i will never be that girl! but i would like good attention on my blog, that is it!

Jenna said...

Molly- I did notice that myself yesterday when i was doing this post that my breaky looked somewhat smaller- there was yogurt, cup of heart to heart, a banana, and pb!
Thanks for the advice and actually one of my goals this week is to add granola to my breaky!

Jenna said...

Anon 20- To be honest what Molly said about pasta being heavy, it really didn't bother or trigger me!
I ate the pasta last night and enjoyed it and now it is over and done with and i am still the same person :)

Jenna said...

Anon 22- This week that is actually my goal, everyday i am trying to either switch up my breakfast, lunch or dinner!
I agree with what you said, before ED I ate different things so I should challenge myself with that!

Anonymous said...

Jenna, I agree with anon #18. You respond to everyone's suggestions saying you "agree," but never seem to actually change anything. I've noticed that the less you eat, the more comments you get, which probably isn't a good thing, because you're getting so much attention for such negative behaviors. I hate to say this because it's kind of mean, but you get far more comments on the "bad" posts than the "good" ones, because people are CONCERNED about you, not because you have thrilling eats (sorry to be blunt, but the same food every day just isn't that exciting). Please realize that all these comments are made out of fear for you, not to encourage your behavior.

Trying To Heal said...

I'm so glad to see you eating that pasta in this post! i just did an entry about my fear of pasta and had it the other night too! great job moving past those fear foods!

molly said...

Thanks for responding to our comments. Even though you get called out a lot, I hope you know it is because people care...

La said...

Apple pie larabar is my favorite flavor! I love all things apple.

Pasta is probably my #1 fear food - it used to be my favorite thing in the entire world and now I can't seem to get myself to eat it, except on very very rare occasions.

like i've said before, these anonymous commenters you get frustrate the hell out of me. an eating disorder is an awful thing to face, and then you're brave enough to discuss it on the internet, and these people come and attack you with the guise of being supportive?? i don't know how you do it...

xo I'm always hoping for your recovery

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