Fear Foods

Monday, January 4, 2010

Hello beauties! I hope everyone is getting back into the swing of things now that the Holidays and parties are all over. It is the first full week of the New Year :) Let's all make it a good one and stick to our New Year Resolutions and/or Goals!

I would like to thank all of you for your advice, opinions, and thoughts on my last post regarding my situation which occured last week. It was bothering me a lot and I just wanted to know what you all thought. I feel as though I am becoming a lot more open and honest about problems I am dealing with!

Now after reading all of the comments I know it is definitely not "normal" for me to bring my own food to places, I mean I never had to do this before ED! But I just feel more relaxed knowing I have comfort foods with me to eat. I just get really stressed out not knowing exactly what there is going to be.

Now don't get me wrong I do NOT bring my own food everywhere I go! I try to eat normal as much as possible. Like when I go out to eat at restaurants I don't bring my own food.

But on some occassions (like the other night when I went over to my cousin's house) I did bring my own sushi for dinner because Chinese food is one of my fear foods!

Now speaking of FEAR FOODS, my mom thinks all foods are scary for me...which is so NOT TRUE! I mean everyone has their own fear foods and safe foods, even for people with out eating disorders, right?

But I definitely think people with eating disorders have more fear foods because the voice of ED telling them it is bad for them and they shouldn't eat it. Now I will tell you I most certainly do have fear foods and comfort foods as I know many other people with ED do too. Overcoming fear foods of mine is definitely something I need to work on.

I have been having a real hard time with one person in my family...my MOM. She just doesn't get it! Like I said before she thinks I fear every single food imaginable, which is NOT true! I just wish she understood how some foods are just scary for me to eat. She thinks I should be able to sit down anywhere I go and be able to eat whatever food is served to me. But I hate to tell her it is just NOT that easy as she thinks, I wish it were but it is not!

She is constantly making fun of me, the foods I eat, and how I eat it. I feel like nothing I do is ever right, everything is always wrong. It's like one day she is totally supportive but then the next day she is going on a rant of me and my ED. It is just so hard to deal with :(

I don't know how to deal with her, any suggestions or thoughts on what I should say or do?!

Whew! That was a long post, congrats if you read it all. Sorry for venting so much but I feel as though my blog is the perfect place to talk about my life.
But onto a more happier note, The Bachelor is on tonight! Anyone else as excited as I am? Also, the Secret Life and Cake Boss, hollah! What a fab Monday tv night ;) I love the New Year because all the new shows premiere!

I have also been thinking of doing a post soon about a typical day of
how I used to eat before my ED came on (like when I was a high school senior 3 sport athlete.) Would that be interesting or not?! Lemme know what you think!



Libby said...

I love your blog...and I want to say that you are clearly working hard on your recovery. Just remember to take it one day at a time. So what you weren't ready for the chinese food with your cousins...one day you will be, but it doesn't do good dwelling on what could have been. Give yourself credit for at least eating dinner despite being in a tough situation.
and as a side i LOVE cake boss. It is prolly one of my favorite shows. My dream is to one day go visit his bakery and have one of his cakes made for me. happy new year and hope school is well!

Jenna said...

Thankss Libby!
I love Cake Boss as well and I actually just went to Carlo's Bakery this past summer and it was awesome! Although we didn't meet Buddy because he was filming upstairs we did get to meet and take pictures with his sisters Grace and Mary and we got to see Mauro and a bunch of the other cast members!
It was so cool and I would defs recommend going and visiting!
I also posted a post on it over the summer as well :)

taylor said...

i think your mom just doesnt understand, if youve never suffered its hard to relate to these food habits. my mom doesnt understand why everything i eat has to be healthy; but its what i want.. try to challenge yourself this new year! my nutritionist always set goals for me.. once a week i'd have a fear food (trust me,, this was hard) all i ate was turkey deli meat and cereal with water) so it made it a lot overwhelming. also, eat with your mom! show her how hard you are trying.. challenge yourself to eat one fear food, not even the whole meal if its that scary! say everyone has chinese, still bring you sushi (or even enough for everyone to try!) and sample one other item, then the feelings might not be so tough.. this helped me a lot. being around others during meals helped me not to focus as much on the calorie/carb/fat i was taking in and more on the enjoyable social part of meals (:

givinganythingbutup.wordpress.com said...

I know how it goes, having other people "involved" with your own personal struggles. but I in a crazy way, I want you to know, it sounds like your mom cares. The fact that she is even willing to address your ED means she wants to see you get better. and girl, that is huge! I never once had someone tell me what I was doing was wrong (at least not to my face) I had recognize it myself, and then deal with it all myself. I think if you try your hardest to open up to her about the details of your ED she will begin to sympathsize with it more.
I am so glad you can open up on the blog though, it trully does work wonders!
I cant wait for the Bachelor tonight!!! Hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening :)

Jenna said...

Thanks for the advice Taylor! I will be sure to try them although I know it will be a challenge! But i just gotta do it and get over that hump!

Jenna said...

Yess I know she really does care! But sometimes she doesn't know how to handle the situation and thinks by her yelling will solve the problem but in most cases it just makes it far worse!
I know! I can't wait for the bachelor tonight :)

sprinkledwithcinnamon said...

Hey Jenna,
It sounds like you're working and trying very hard, and I can totally understand how frustrating it is with your mother on your back like that- I know she's doing it out of worry and care, but I know sometimes its so hard trying to get people to understand. However, one thing you said about non-ED people having 'fear foods,' i don't really agree with that statement, because people without eating disorders or disordered eating aren't afraid of food- people have different food preferences obviously, but I wouldn't call it fear foods.
Well in any case, have a happy monday with the bachelor...he's lookin fine this season ;)

Jenna said...

I guess I just mis worded that! What I meant was that people without ED have foods that they may fear but not in the same way people with ED fear food! Ya know?! Like some people fear seafood because they are animals that swim and are slimy or have eyes! Ya know whet I mean?!
But people with ED like me have fear foods because of the voice ED telling us that they are bad foods for us! I think that makes more sense! Ha. Sorry!

Eleanor said...

there is no doubt we all have our scary, "fear" foods, and our "safe" foods. The ED justifies those foods. But justifying what you choose to eat/not eat is NOT how you should feel. Guilt towards eating a certain food is EDs way of beating you up, keeping a hold on you. Sometimes, when you're faced with unfamiliar situations, having something you're comfortable with eating makes things a lot easier to deal with. But as you progress further on in recovery, the need to have something "safe" will fade and thoughts about what you "can/can't" have or "should/shouldn't" have will no longer plague you.

Every step you take is setting a firmer foundation of strength. Your Mother, as much as she might want to understand, doesn't. And that is not soley her fault, nor is it yours. Understanding something you haven't yourself experienced is difficult, and you can only do so much - the only thing that you could do would be to sit her down and tell her that you need her SUPPORT, regardless of her thoughts, opinions and feelings towards the situation. Be persistent, but don't frustrate yourself over it. With time, things will become easier.

All my love,

Ada said...

I'm sorry about your mom not understanding the fact that you have fear foods. It must be hard for her to come to terms with your disorder and sometimes misunderstanding is analagous to not wanting to acknowledge it's existence. I'm sure that over time, however, this will fade and you will start feeling more comfortable consuming your "fear foods", you're working so hard and doing a great job:)

Jenna said...

I soon hope as I continue to recover my safe foods will fade and I will be able to eat some of my not so safe foods!
I think through my recovery I have been exploring and trying new foods but not my fear foods quite yet!!

moretolifethanlettuce said...

:( i'm really sorry that things are so difficult with your mom about the ED. she clearly doesn't get it, and you have so much to deal with already. the only thing i can think of that might help is an honest, non-confrontational sit-down talk with her..

Sherry G said...

Wow that must be really tough having to deal with your mom being like that=( I have fear foods as well so I do my must to avoid them but I've been to realize I can't deprive myself either. You're a really strong person to even be doing this so just remember that. Hopefully your mom will come around and understand. Sorry that's not helpful whatsoever=/

p.s.- I'd be very interested in seeing what your old eating habits were.

findinghappinessandhealth said...

i am so so sorry to hear about your issues with your Mom! I really think you should talk to your Mom about how you are feeling- she loves you and if you could tell ehr what kind of things she could do to push you in a more constructive way it would really help. i know you will figure this out! in the meantime, please push yourself. get yourself the help you need, im thinkin of you! :)


nattietan said...

*hugs* Sorry to hear about the difficulties you've been facing. I think your Mum means well and in a way, her idea of you going to a restaurant and being able to eat whatever's on the menu is pretty much what they made me do as an inpatient on program. The more you go without your comfort foods and order what's available, the less fear you face in confronting them. But that said, I do understand how tough it is because I struggle with it too.

I guess the best advice I can give is to talk to your Mum about how you're feeling and also to know that she may not quite understand what you are going through. You're doing well hun so stay strong and know that I've right here cheering you on!!


Laura: Learning to Love said...

Oh thank god..someone else watches the Bachelor too!!

katie anne said...

how hunky is he?!?!?!?

pickyeaterruns said...

So sorry to hear about your struggles Jenna. Thanks for being so honest and sharing with us. Have you told your mom how it makes you feel when she makes those comments? I hope things start to look up :)

Mitri said...

Hey thanks for the comment!

I, too, bring food with me sometimes.. not EVERYWHERE like you said, but often to my boyfriend's house because his family doesn't always have a sit-down dinner type thing, so I may or may not be offered food. Sometimes I bring it if I know the people I'm with want to eat at a seafood restaurant 'cause I'm allergic to shellfish.

I'm sorry you're struggling with your mom; my mom is like yours, half supportive and half angry. I s'pose just remember that recovery is in YOUR best interest and do what's right for you!

Jessie said...

Hi, just found your blog through Eleanor's, and I'm a little late here, but I wanted to say that I can totally relate to the stuff with your mom. She sounds a lot like mine, who just doesn't get it and expects that I should be "normal" and just eat whatever's put down in front of me. It's so hard to explain these things to people who have never experienced it. I don't have any great words of advice but depending on how open your mom is, you might just ask her not to make comments about your food and see what she says. Either way, you need to do what you need to do to recover and make sure you are eating what you need to even if it means you have to take food with you.

I really like your blog and am looking forward to reading more.

jqlee said...

Hey girl,

Just came across your blog. I'm really sorry to hear that your mom is dealing with your ED so poorly. I know where you're coming from. For the longest time, my mom didn't know how to deal with me either, not that I have an ED but I have/had (trying to get over) a very strict diet and she was always just worried that I wasn't eating enough or that I ate too many veggies and not enough meat. She wasn't mean about it at all but it would stress me the hell out whenever she made any comment about my eating habits like "why don't you eat more meat?" or "you must be hungry all the time because you dont eat"...etc. She's just worried about me but still, it's VERY STRESSFUL when other people make comments about how you eat. My mom is also ALWAYS trying to make me eat foods that she cooks which I feel bad for saying no. So I've told her to 1) not comment about how/what I eat and 2) blatantly just stop asking me to eat and 3) stop cooking portions for me. I also sat down and talked to her about how I feel about my body image and stuff. As I've lost too much weight, I'm now trying to gain some weight back so I'm incorporating more foods into my diet. Things are a lot less tense with my mom and the rest of my family.

Maybe you should talk it out with your mom? I'm not sure if you guys have already gone that route. Either way, I hope things get better between your mom and you. Take care and you just keep eating HEALTHY foods as long as you are eating :)

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