First I had to drive my dad to work at 7am this morning so I could use his car for the day. Luckily he only works .6 miles away from our house (no joke!) so I was back in no time. But your girl Jenna having to wake up earlier than usual on her break is no fun. Im actually being a lil dramatic, it was fine! But then I came back and layed back down for a bit until I go hungry for some breaky which was my typical yogurt mess (obvi). I had Vanilla Brown Cow yogurt, the last of Barbara's Original Puffins, a sliced banana, and a spoonful of Teddie's peanut butter with a glass of milk on the side.
Any suggestions on which cereal I should try next?! It must go well with yogurt messes ;)
Ok so you know how I have been having some problems dealing with my mom lately? Well in case you didn't already know...I am! We haven't been talking to each other for the past few nights and I must admit it is pretty hard to do since we are usually so close to one another. But every since my ED began, our relationship has definitely had its ups and downs. She just does not know how to properly deal with me and my ED and she really struggles and has a hard time. She always turns to yelling, violence, ignoring, or making fun of me. She thinks those are going to solve the problem, but in reality...they ALL just make the situation SO much worse than it already is. I don't mean to bash on my mom and tell you all she is a horrible person because she really isn't. But when it comes to me and my ED she takes it really hard.
So this morning while I was laying in bed she came into my room and acted all nice all of a sudden after not talking to me for days. She told me we were meeting my grandma for lunch this afternoon at 1pm but I just ignored her. Then she wanted to come snuggle with me in bed and she told me when I was younger she would always lay down in my bed with before I fell asleep! True story, she did. But again I just ignored her and gave her the cold shoulder then she left.
Now onto the Battle of the O's! My grandma has been talking about taking me out to lunch before I go back up to school and I was all for it! A nice lil lunch with grandma...I'm all for it ;) She said we could either go to O'Connor's or Olive Garden. She was so sweet because she told me to go on-line to check out the menu for O'Connor's since I have never been there before. She wanted me to feel comfortable eating out with her and I really apprectiated it! We both have been to Olive Garden lots of times so we decided O'Connor's was the winner. O'Connor's is a cute lil Irish restaurant which is very popular. I was excited to try it out and the menu looked great.
I thought it was going to just be me and my grandma but then when I found out my mom was also going, I changed my mind realy fast. Call me stubborn? I think so! But since I am currently mad at her because of the things she has done to me this winter vacation (I will not share them with you) I decided I did not want to go out to lunch with her. Anyways, going out to restaurants with my mom usually NEVER turn out good...EVER! So I think I made the right decision. I was determined not to give into going with my mom just because she was being nice to me this morning. I told my mom I was not going out with her she then got bad at me again and told me ED has caused me to not want to go out to restaurants. It's not that I didn't want to go out because I was scared of eating out, it was because I did not want to go out with my mom because of the things she has done to me, I am still mad at her at the moment.
I felt bad because I was looking forward to going out to lunch with my grandma. But maybe her and I could re-schedule again for another day this week before I go back up to school!
Sorry for ranting about this situation but I just felt like getting it off my chest.
Do you think I made the right decision or not?
23 comments:
I think putting yourself in a vulnerable position where your mom could make you feel even worse is not a good idea right now. I'm sorry you guys aren't getting along, and hope you can patch things up. My mom and I are super close, and my ED definitely drove us apart and brought out nasty qualities I had never seen in her (and obviously didn't bring out the best in me either!) I also hope you can schedule something nice to do with your grandma since you didn't get to do lunch!
I can understand your frustration with your mother- parents often times just really don't know how to deal with EDs n all...it sounds though that she loves you very much but just doesn't go about it all the right way. I think she's probably hurting from the lack of communication between you two the past few days and that's why she came into your room acting normal- however as earnest as her intentions seem, the lack of communication is probably not helping- I know i used to HATE it when my dad and I would have an argument, then he'd come along acting like everything is chipper, because I still had those hard feelings. I really think you and your mother should sit down and have a full heart to heart talk and be blatantly honest about everything.
I realize your decision to not eat out was because you were pissed at my mom and not out of fear to eat out and if that was what makes you more comfortable, I think that's fine. But do have a talk with your mom and then maybe all three of you can go out later this week, AND you can go out alone with grandma :)
Good luck
I think that is a good idea Sara! Thanks for the advice :)
Jenna
Ahhh I think it sounds like your mom is really confused about the correct way to treat you, and I would love to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she is trying her best. But after she tried to reach out to you in the morning, I think you could have reached back. It takes two to get along.
ur not the only one! my mom is soooo fustrating too! shes always angry with me (ED) hang in there! luv ya
Awwwww love , Im sorry to hear your mom and you are not getting along, we all have that sometimes, Im going through that right now as well, just be strong girl, and know your mom loves you, I hope you have a better night : )
Hey, Jenna!
I went through this situation with my Mom lots of times. I thought she supported me on what I was going though. But just when I thought she understood me, she started screaming at me, telling me how spoiled I am, how much she wanted me to live with my Dad, how tired she was of having to deal with my ED...
She made me cry lots of times.
But look at the brighter side: you´re grown up. You don´t depend so much on your mom.
I´m 14. I can´t simply ignore her. I depend on her too much.
Fortunately, I´m spending a few days at my Dad´s house. She doesn´t really like to talk about it, although he´s already looking for a nutritionist.
But it´s fine.
And, in your case, I think you´re right - you followed your heart, and you may have avoided a public exposion with a misunderstanding at the restaurant.
Try calling your grandmother!
I´m sure she won´t have troubles on having lunch you, exclusivly.
Good Luck!
Kisses from a brazilian girl who gets you,
G.
aww jenna, im bummed for you that you didn't get to go to that cute irish place! (but i'm a little biased because i am irish and adore irish pubs/restaurants :p).
i think it's awesome that you WERE planning to eat out, espically because sometimes ED doesn't like to!
With that said, you could have handled the situation much differently. In my opinion, the best thing would have been to talk to you mom, as many of the other readers have mentioned. Before lunch, you could have written her a note telling her that you didn't want her to come because you wanted time alone with your grammy.
Since it's in the past, I echo what your other readers said about having an open and honest conversation. *hugs*
-em
I agree with above posters -- I think it would a good idea to just sit down with your mom and have a good, honest heart to heart. She probably has such a hard time knowing what to do or say about your ED and it probably tears her up inside to see her daughter struggling. And obviously, it is hard for you when your mom doesn't understand and doesn't deal with stuff in the best way - I think life would be better for you both after a good sit down. I always find that works with my mom - even if it's tough.
I think you should have gone. Grandted, I dont know the whole story, but I think that all those things your mom is doing (regards to ED) is out of pure love. It's hard to see, but Im dead serious.
My mom saw mine, she saw me struggling, she saw me falling apart (literally) and she never said a word. I was literally left to deal with it all on my own. I think you need to explain to your mom how much it DOESNT help (the way she is acting). I think talking openly about it and getting all those feelings out there (for both of you) will help millions. I think if you had gone today it would have just proved it to her plain and simple that you ARE getting better. I woulda downed a whole basket of Olive Garden breadsticks just out of spite ;) haha but maybe thats just me.
Hang in there girl. Just know, your mom really does love and care for you, it's just hard to show it sometimes.
I want to reach out to you in every way i can tho Jenna. I see SO much of myself in you, and I want to help you through this! So if you ever feel like it, Id love to talk to ya if you want ;) or if you ever need it. Sometimes having an outside (unbiased) opinion does wonders.
Hope things start to look up (I just pray you resolve your issues with your mom before you go back to school. It'll help you both- mentally and physically) Besides going to bed angry only makes life a draagggg.
Keep smilin :)
xo- Molly
Thats a hard situation, but I think you should have been thinking of yourself and more of others. You should have done it for your Grandmas sake!! I may be wrong but I do know Ed kind of make us self- absorbed. This is harsh sorry!
so sorry girl, i think you should really get everything out there on the table with your mom. if you get it all out, that will stop the resentment that WILL build up the older you get. girls NEED a relationship with their mom, and it has to be mutual. i think you just need to be REAL with her and tell her everything! prayers for that love! love you J!
Okay girl, I hate to post this under "anonymous," but it's the only way I'm going to give it to you straight. I've been a reader/commenter for a long time now, and I've been recovered from ED for about 4 years. I know a lot of your readers are also recovering from ED, which is why they see this as "normal" behavior- by them supporting you in your situation, they are justifying their own ED behaviors. I'm not bashing your readers/anyone in recovery (I was there not too long ago!), but it's the truth. You say you weren't going to the restaurant because you were mad at your mom? I really, really doubt that, girl. You might honestly think that's why, but deep down, you know it- you are still afraid to eat out. I'm being blunt because you continuously have been making excuses for yourself, and you're never going to recover unless you bite the bullet and go out. Eating out is SCARY, I know! But your mom probably knows you better than anyone, and even if she doesn't totally understand ED, she knows you well enough to see your motivation. Please stop kidding youself and get more help- I'm really, really worried about you!
I completely understand why you wouldn't want to go out to eat after all that you've been through! I really hope you are able to reschedule with your grandmother too! Hang in there and stay strong!
Peanut Butter Panda Puffs don't last two days in my possession! ;)
I'm so sorry that you had to deal with all of that! I hope that you can spend time with your grammy before heading back...I bet she'd love that!
WOW WOW WOW this entire comment section with the exception of ANON#13 is like reading an ANOREXIC SUPPORT GROUP.
I completely agree with everything anonymous #13
this is a post from jenna's ED NOT JENNA.
jenna you know that despite your mom's behavior, choosing to not go out to eat is about your ED not your mom. you are controlled by it.
sorry for being so harsh but clearly the "support of the blog world" that you claim about is not the support you need (it's the support your ED wants to justify the behavior)
please seek further professional help soon.
I think it would be best if I sat down to talk in depth with my mom to resolve our problems!
I guess I was being quite stubborn this afternoon. I plan on going out with my grandma for lunch before I leave for school!
Jenna
Hey Jenna! I'm sorry you are having to deal with all this. I know it may seem like your mom is being all mean, not talking to you, etc, but I think it's because she does not how to deal with your ED. Since she has not had one (?), she does not know how to help you. I think you need to sit down with her and talk to her and have a heart to heart. You are not going to get anywhere by giving her the cold shoulder.
Best of luck!
<3 jess
xoxo
Hey girl,
I think you need to have a talk with your mom. I went through this weird phase with my mom where I was always on/off mad at her and we barely talked. The thing is, I was angry with her over some stuff but I never sat down and talked with her about it. This "angry phase" went on for MONTHS and finally i couldn't take it one day and just laid it all out on the table. It helped sooo much and we've had a completely different relationship ever since. So "in conclusion" lol I think you need to tell her what's bothering you!
jenna, i dont think an y of us can tell you if you did the right thing because we don't know what is going on with you and your mom. I think though, that I have to be hones twith you & say that I think you really need to get more help & support. I'm worried about you and want you to take care of yourself- you are worth it .. i know youcan do this. i won't repeat what others say with regards to your mom, but i think talking to her aobut how you are feeling is a great idea! you can dot his girl
love you!!
As much as you can try to disconnect yourself from the situation to help evaluate. It is not easy but worth a shot. If it were a friend in the same situation, and not you, what would you tell her to do? After that always go with your gut! Your happiness is important, try to think about what would really make you the happiest. If your gut tells you it would be an afternoon fighting in public than it probably will be. Best Wishes!
In HUGE agreement with Anon 13 and 16. I stopped commenting and then stopped reading because this feels like an anorexic support blog. I 'stopped by' yesterday to see if things had changed and was saddended to see they haven't. Jenna, hopefully you can step back and see that your mother is scared and worried and though she may not express things they way you chose, she is watching her daughter slowly die, she sees you on a daily basis-we don't. Good luck.
I don't want to give you any bad or wrong advice but I just wanted to let you know that my heart is with you and that I hope the treatment plan works for you. Keep us up to date beautiful lady :)
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