Breakfast this morning was a yogurt mess with Vanilla Brown Cow yogurt, Kashi Go Lean, and a sliced banana on top with milk on the side. I know, no peanut butter this morning :( Some days I can do the whole peanut butter thing but other days are very hard for me. I need to be more consistent, any ideas?!Two of my classes this morning were shorter than normal because we had a Mass this morning (which I did not go to, whoops!) then I had my regualar Biochemistry class. I was so nervous for this class because we were getting our tests back we took last week. This class is required for all Nursing majors and it is a super hard class. I have a tutor so I can stay on top of everything and to help me throughout the semester. I really like my tutor Jenn and she has helped me so much! So after much shakin' of my legs during class he finally handed them back...
Then after my class my MOM came to visit :) Well, she came to straighten out all of my financial aid but of course she also came up to see her fav. daughter!
After we figured everything out and I registered for next semesters classes it was close to 3 o'clock and I was starvin and lunch was callin' my name.
and a Braeburn apple! And of course with a glass of milk on the side.
The rest of my afternoon was spent typing away on my last Philosophy paper. Dinner was broiled chicken, sliced carrots, and a Harvest dinner roll with a touch of oats with milk. Some how my camera ate the picture. Not cool!
13 comments:
congrats jenna! give yourself a break! even if it's a C+ it's still an improvement and that's what matters most! :)
hooray!
pshh people don't know that a 77 at saint a's is an A+ anywhere else! Congrats!
saw your tweet..yay for finishing your papers girl! ive never seen the biggest loser? i feel like im missing OUT!
Wow...I'm sorry if this is blunt or rude, but it hardly even seems like you're trying. You're way undereating and still exercising. I've read every single one of your posts since you began blogging, and if I recall correctly, you seem to be just as entrenched in your ED as you were when you began. Are you sure this is supposed to be a recovery blog?
P.S. I hope you realize that my comment was made not out of malice, but out of concern. I'm not only worried about your health, but also for the health of the struggling girls/guys that read recovery blogs to find out what is an acceptable amount to be eating to gain/maintain. For example, you're convinced that the amount of chicken you normally have is a 3-4 oz serving, though it clearly looks too small (not to mention that given your choice of sides, you really should be having two to two and a half servings to maintain, let alone gain). I know that when I was initially recovering, I looked at the amounts bloggers were eating to determine what was acceptable, because I didn't have a nutritionist or a scale (not that the latter would be a healthy thing to have). Yes, every body is different, but blogs are helpful as a guideline. You're giving off the wrong message and spreading false information. Basically, your blog is super triggering.
This blog is yours, and you can say/do what you want, but for the well being of your more naive readers, you should either change your habits, or clearly acknowledge that your are not truly in recovery, but remain in limbo.
Stop kidding yourself. You've regressed. Big time. Though you weren't doing particularly great before, just look back at your first few months of posting. You were doing better off then. I sound harsh, but you need a major reality check. ED has blinded you and has convinced you that by hiding the negative/Anonymous posts and just leaving the positive ones, nothing is wrong.
Love the new lay-out!
First of all, I think it's great you're being honest about finding it difficult to have PB everytime. I know it's hard to admit that, so good job:)
What helped me was making a deal with myself, for real. Maybe even write it down. No matter how you feel, (even if you feel huge, are sick, are bloated, having a hard day...NO MATTER WHAT) you will do the right things, in this little case: have PB with the rest of your (full) breakfast every single day. No exceptions. No compensating in any way. Because that's what you need to do.
Not only for the breakfast, but with everything. You have to do it, no matter how you feel. See it as your medicine. That breakfast WITH pb is your medicine and you would take it without a doubt if it was just a little pill for your disease. This is the pill, take it!
Good luck, you can do this!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
hey, love the new layout. I'm sorry to hear your struggling, but glad your being honest. I've been in treatment many times and when I have urges to restrict or use "safe" habits, I remind myself that those habits have never done anything good for me, and that even though challenging myself is scary and hard, it can't be as bad as living in the world of anorexia. I can promise you jenna, this WILL get easier.
I hope you are being true to yourself. I've been reading your blog for awhile and I've read the comments-I hope you will one day SOON write a post that is from the heart and that acknowledges what your readers are saying. I think you are losing your readers who genuinely will call you out on your ED behaviors, BUT will support you. I see more comments from people saying how great your "meals" are-your yogurt mess is half of what you should be having and though you say there is sometimes PB in it, I don't see it, and when you do show the PB it is on a spoon on top. I'm glad you were honest in this post about it not being present, and when it is hard you have to just keep putting it in and having it. I think you should decide if you want this to be a recovery blog, a Jenna blog (where you are just you and you write honestly), or you want it to be an ed blog because right now you are writing like you want it to be a recovery blog but it is an insult and kind of triggering and disrespectful to those of us in recovery, and those working on recovery AND think about those girls reading your blog who aren't in recovery and see you eat the same thing, every day-if you even eat it. That isn't helpful. Sorry to be so blunt. I doubt I will help you because you will probably just get defensive, though I hope you see how much people are trying to reach out to you-and I've noticed there are fewer comments from the people who seemed to be trying to help you. I hope you can see you deserve more then what you are allowing yourself.
Jenna,
I'm glad you were honest with us about the PB. Truly I think you need to be working with a nutritionist on a consistent basis, I know of many good ones I could refer you to. Mine in particular does a lot of work through email.
It is so important to have a professional who reminds you that this is what you NEED and it is ok and to challenge you. We can only give you so much support here. Good luck today, Kiersten
totally watched the biggest loser last night! the finales are always so happy :) and way impressive!
congratulations on the test!!
i have trouble with pb in my bedtime snack sometimes, my tip would be to try to alternated between a couple different types (maybe one day pb the next almond butter) cause then you don't get sick of pb, and you get some variety.
happy hump day!!
Congrats on the lab, girlfraaand! Fee. proud of your hard work.
And whoever these anonymous commenters are, they are out of line and rude and I'm sorry for what they have said.
if you ever want to talk, feel free to contact me, my dear
rebecca xo
Rebecca, a lot of us have been reading Jenna's blog for awhile and commenting, giving reassurance and trying to help. It's dangerous for her and for readers who think that what she is eating/exercising/etc is not a relapse. It isn't recovery. I think many of us have personally reached out through email/etc and support her. At least thats what I can say for myself. It sounds harsh, yes, but sometimes it is hearing it so bluntly that helps squash Ed. Jenna, I truly hope you can get some extra help over break. You deserve more.
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