"It Ain't Happenin"

Friday, August 7, 2009

"It Ain't Happenin"

Those are the words my dad said tonight regarding me going back to college! Real supportive! Ehh? Those words just mack me feel awesome :( Then he just keeps talking how I am not ready to go back to school, how immature I am, and how I am still anorexic and so on.

The reason he started saying all of this and why he got mad at me was because it was around 7:30 and he told me to come downstairs to eat and it was getting late. i told him i wasn't hungry now. however, i DID NOT say i wasn't going to eat! why would i not eat dinner? that was the OLD JENNA when i didn't eat dinner. i simply just said i was not hungry now. and he put words in my mouth and he thought i meant i wasn't going to eat dinner at all. i just was saying i wasn't hungry when he wanted me to eat, i was going to eat in a few minutes when I WANTED TO EAT! sorry dad but you don't control my life :/

So about the lasagna dilemma i was having before dinner. I was debating on whether or not I should have some of the lasagna that I made! As you can see I obviusly had some. I put a decent sized piece on my plate, probably 3 x 3" or so (typical serving size i learned when i was at inpatient.) i also had a side salad with some light dressing in the individual packets again (love themmm) and a glass of milk.

But the sad part is i was unable to finish this whole piece :( ED only allowed me to eat some of it. although i did manage to eat all of the meat it had in it because i don't have a problem with meats or proteins. but i do have a problem with pasta and ALL of the different cheeses it has, they scareeeee me!

I am going to relax with my PEOPLE magazine i got in the mail today and a Vanilla Boost :) See you all later!


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry, Jenna...That really does suck. But you can always prove him wrong. Keep on challenging yourself, my dear girl! Perhaps next time you can even reach for a second helping. your dad just has your best interests at heart, and though you really are trying, in an outsider's perspective, you may not be entirely "normal" yet, and that's what he's worried about.

Carly in Wonderland said...

Are you going to school or was he just being dramatic because of the "i'm not hungry" thing?
Good job on the lasague! Don't be too bummed out you couldn't eat it all. Im proud you were able to eat more then you use to be able t! Right? (Especially after a fight with your dad!!) Within time it will get easier (or so they say). Some foods can be hard but just try to remember that it all fits into your meal plan! Thats what i try to remind myself. Have a good rest of the night with your people mag!

Lexi said...

I'm extremely proud of you for having the lasagne you made! Even though you didn't eat it all, you did eat it and that's a big accomplishment, especially since it was a feared food. I'm so proud of you for fighting ED on that one.

Peanut Butter Swirl said...

aww girlie I am so so so sorry that your dad won't let you go back to school!! Maybe if you two have a nice heart to heart he can hear your side of the story. Just keep in mind that people who dont/never have had an ED can't really understand what your going through :)

Anonymous said...

Hey girl! Thanks so much for the sweet comment on my blog. Yes, I am in high school :)

Good job on the lasagna! That's so great! Try not to let the comment bother you TOO much. I think your daddy is just trying to make things better and fix things. That's what Daddy's do! But they like things to be easy and done, licking-split. There is no quick fix for anorexia. It's a process! You can do it!

Like I said, I'm so proud of you for telling ED to get away and eating some of that lasagna. Although you didn't eat all of it, it's much better than nothing!

Try and think of carbs as building blocks for our bodies which keep our energy up and going. Without carbs, our bodies would be drowsy and lack energy to do what we love!

Keep on fighting!!
<3 jess

Liza said...

Congrats on trying the lasagna. You conqured a fear food. Thats huge. ANd guess what you did not gain 10 lbs. from it or anything. You lived to tell the tale. dads just dont understand this disease in the slightest I think. But keep going!!!!! Keep incorporating fear foods into your diet!!! Life is way more fun when you eat what you want and not what ED tells you too!!!
Last night I had hamburger and fries and yogurt with chocolate sprinkles!!!!!!!! Never before would I of but now I do.

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