I'm back!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Well hello there! Hope you all have been doing fabulous :) This past weekend I was in NJ for my lil sis' lax tourney which was fun!

Monday I met with my therapist and yesterday with my nutritionist, which both went well. One interesting topic my therapist and I talked about was how to not let ED make me worry so much about what is going to happen in the future. I need to just let it happen even though I always like to know what is going to happen. But what I have learned is that fearing the unknown and not knowing what exactly is going to happen is okay and sometimes surprises can be okay and good. I just need to stop worrying and go with the flow and for the most part everything will fall into place and be okay.

I was also glad to meet with my nutritionist to go over my meal plan to make sure it is working. Over the past few weeks she said I have been gaining at a steady weight and to just keep doing what I have been doing since then. We also made a few more tweaks in it as well.


Eats lately have been...
yogurt messes of course! They are the perfect summer breakfast.Chocolate Chip Brownie Larabar tasted just like a very chocolately brownie. It was very yummy! OMG I just finished this book Little Bee which I started last Wednesday and was so good I could not put it down! It is a must read in my book ;)Tropical Fruit LarabarKashi Chocolate Caramel Crunchy Bar. Very good! I loved the mix of chocolate and caramel together and plus it had pieces of popcorn in it!

Last Saturday I saw my first ever PITA PIT and I just knew I had to try it!
Pita Pit is such a cool sub shop and I am so glad I finally got to try it after I have seen so many bloggers rave about it! I got the grilled turkey with american cheese, lettuce and tomato all wrapped up in a pita! I guess my camera liked it that much that it ate it.

I have also been obsessed with Annie's Bunny Grahams Honey! They are so soft and yummy :)
Lunches lately have been pretty typical of me...turkey sandwiches.Again I gotta tell ya babysitting is a tough job layin' out by the pool ;)White Chocolate Macadamia Nut Clif Bar outside in the sun :)

I have been trying a lot of Trader Joe's products lately!
This is the White Chicken Sesame Noodle Bowl that my mom raves about all the time hence the reason why she bought 8 of them last trip to TJ's since they rarely have them! So when they are at the store she stocks up on 'em.This was my first time trying this TJ frozen meal and it was great! It had noodles with white chicken, carrots, and peas topped with a sesame ginger sauce. The resaon why I have never had this meal before was because of ED! He tells me to avoid all types of sauces at all costs because I don't know what they are made from and how much calories in it etc. Well ya know what ED?! I really don't care! I was going to have this meal and enjoy every bite of it and that was exactly what I did. I had this meal for dinner one night and all I needed was add a dinner roll and it fit perfectly into my meal plan.

More new products from Trader Joe's...
Brown Rice California Rolls and a Greek Salad. This was my first time trying sushi that wasn't a veggie roll and I must say I
loved the California rolls which had carrots, avocado, & crab meat rolled in brown rice. And plus I haven't had avocado before and I love it now as well. This is defs my new favorite sushi roll :)
This past weekend at my sister's lacrosse tourney we all went out to dinner, all the players and their families. ED definitely stirred up a bit of stress for me when I found out we were going to an Italian restaurant and were given only 4 chooses from...Chicken parm, Veal parm, Stuffed Flounder, or Chicken Francese. ED told me to order something else that was "safe" from the menu but I didn't want to be THAT girl ordering something "special" from the menu that nobody else could order. I am no more special or more important than anyone else there and I decided I was going to order one of those 4 chooses for dinner and eat it because I also didn't want to be THAT girl at the table not eating!

I started off with a House Salad with Italian dressing. Yes you heard me right, the dressing was already poured on the salad so I just had to eat it with the dressing already on it and not knowing how much was poured on or how many calories were in it etc. But who cares, because guess what?! I ate it!
I ordered the Chicken Francese which I had never had before and had no idea what it was going to look like, what is was served with, or even if I was going to like it! Well I kinda knew I would probs like it because it was just chicken, but I didn't know what type of sauce was going to be on it.The menu described it as a Boneless breast of chicken, egg, white wine & lemon served with greens beans and spaghetti with marinara sauce. Even though ED told me not to eat the sauce because it was unknown I still did. I was proud of myself for eating this dinner!

Now I don't wanna tell you that everything is going great in my recovery because that would be a lie. This past weekend at my sister's tournament I kinda struggled a bit. To tell you the truth on Saturday I did not follow my meal plan quite so well although ED was quite happy, deep down inside I was not. That is why I tried to get back on track on Sunday. I think it is real hard for me when I am not at home to recovery. I seem to do well at home because there are less distractions to interfere with my recovery. Although I do know that I need to be able to recover under any circumstances.

One thing I have been having a real hard time with is comparing myself to other girls and how they look vs. how I look. ED always tells me that I should look like her because she is skinnier than me but in reality I know she is NOT as skinny as I am but ED convinces me that she is and that I don't need to gain any more weight. When this happens I always go to my sisters and ask them if that girl is skinnier than me and they will say "Jenna, are you serious? NO!" When I am struggling with ED thoughts I always go to my sisters because they give me the reassurance I need. My girl Shelley wrote a post on Why Comparing is a Waste of Time and if you haven't read it yet I suggest you do and right about now ;)

Happy Humpday!

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23 comments:

melonshots said...

I am so proud of you Jenna
You are truly an inspiration to me.. and have been since I started reading your blog.

Tia said...

you rock!!!
:)
comparing is totally a waste of time, thx for reminding me of that.

Tia @ DIetcolagirl

alexa meany said...

aww jenna this was an awesome post! good for you for toughing up to that italian meal. I think in life being able to "participate" in any circumstance is REALLY important ya kno? And how exciting is that you did fully participate :) I definitely can related to this kind of thing, I always just reassure my self that it won't be EVERY day that I need to eat these certain foods and that this isn't a "noraml" situation.. just saying that to my self helps me realize i need just roll with the punches during that event? ANYWAYS happy humpday :) have a good rest of the week! ( hope that made sense!) xox

Jenna said...

awww thanks girls!!

peaceluvmunchies said...

Ohh - that brownie Lara sounds amazing! aaand I'm so happy to hear you are doing so well! Proud of youuu!

EmilyH said...

Hi Jenna!

The Annie's graham bunnies are a favorite snack of mine for sure! They are awesome dipped in PB & Co.'s Mighty Maple...pure heaven!

I definitely relate to your struggle with comparing yourself to other girls because I catch myself doing it everyday. I find myself not only comparing looks but also accomplishments. Something that has helped me to overcome comparing is to remind myself that when I look at a person, all I see is their appearance and that there are dozens of things that I don't see. For example, a girl who I think is more beautiful and accomplished than me may also be unkind or selfish. Another girl who is thinner than me may have an ED that she is struggling with even though she appears totally put-together on the outside. There's just too much going on the insides of people for us to compare based on what we see on the outside. I hope that helps a bit! You're awesome, Jenna!

-Emily

JW said...

You go girl for eating at the Italian restaurant and not ordering special. That is such a HUGE accomplishment! I am the same as you, things like that are so hard and challenging. But then in the grand scheme of things, its just plain normal!

findinghappinessandhealth said...

thanks for mentioning my post, Jenna. It honestly kills me that you are still where oyu are, i so badly want you to just be recovered because i feel like you have been suffering from this for so long. Keep pushing and it WILL be worth it- anorexia & food won't be such a big thing in your life anymore..and it shouldnt be because life is about LIVING, not about starving. You can do this! keep itup.

*Andrea* said...

i can't find the new larabars anywhere!!! ugh. they look amazing!

good job trying to beat ED. that italian restaurant experience sounded like a great victory, even if it's a small step. hope you keep making good decisions for yourself and focus on living in each present moment, loving your body and your whole person :)

katie anne said...

hang in there! i luv u!

Jen said...

I have been struggling with an ED for TEN years. And let me tell you I have been working so hard at recovery for all of them. Right now I am on a leave from work so I can focus 100% on my recovery. I want to close this chapter of my life for good. I want this to be my LAST year that it robs me of my life. I just had to comment on your wall because I absolutely love your blog. I check everyday to see if you post! I read about three others (non eating disorder) blogs and i enjoy them, but yours just helps me so SO much. I love your young fun attitutde and the fact that you are trying so hard and sharing with the world. You deserve health- we all do! Thank you so much Jenna. Much love :)

Jenna said...

yummm! emily, grahams plus pb together sound delish!

Jenna said...

jen i am glad you enjoy reading my blog and i hope that it helps and motivates you to recover!
jenna

Tori said...

Okay, I'm so going to by that bar with popcorn in it! I have a current addiction to popcorn at the moment Lol!

So glad you were able to have a regular italian meal with the others. Honestly that's not a very scary option for the notorious italian dishes that are pasta and sauce heavy (basically all the good ones Haha)! But I know you'll get there one day! All of your small steps are adding up to big changes for you in recovery!

<3 Tori

livelaughlovehopeeat said...

I love love love your blog! I am so proud of you for all the challenges you did!!! Italian food is very scary.
Aren't california rolls sooooo good?!?!? I am a huge fan of sushi..... its so good
On the white chicken sesame noodle thing..... am I seeing things, or does it say trader mings on the top???
You inspire and motivate me! :)

livelaughlovehopeeat said...

Grrr..... i wrote a whole post and then my internet went crazy adn closed.... super annoying.
Basically.... you inspire and motivate me! So thank you!! You are so super duper!
Love your blog!!
And question.... does the white chicken sesame noodle bowl say 'trader mings' on top????

joannaeatsagain said...

So mad the Pita Pit here closed :(
I am working really hard with the comparing thing right now too... Glad I found your blog because it's really helpful to know that I'm not alone :)

Kerri said...

could you post your full meal plan (not what you are eating but the actual plan from your nutritionest)?

When she tweeks things, what does she change and why? Can you give an example?

Li Ting said...

I totally understand you! I am also having similar issues! Especially with all the food that is available in Singapore, which is essentially either covered in thick gravy or way too much carbs and fried, lard. Sauces also scares the shit out of me but I am so proud of you that you conquered your fears and ate all the food! Sometimes, I guess we just have to remember that ignorance is bliss?.... Good job with your efforts!!! You can do it!!!! Keep on fighting!! I will be all behind you!! =D

From Here to There. In Purple. said...

ED likes to trick us, so its that much more important that we listen to ourselves.

youre a rock star. and fabulous and i adore you. thakn you for the insightful post

Jenna said...

katie! that's so weird that you noticed that but i actually just looked on a box in my freezer and it does sayd Trader Ming's! haha.

Jenna said...

kerri- a lot of you have been asking if i could post one full days of my eats so i think i will do that one of these days to show you all what i eat!
jenna

Samantha said...

So glad you are back!! I'm definitely going to have to check out Little Bee if it's a book you couldn't put down! What other books have you read that were good? I need to start making a book list.

I can totally relate to you in the fact that when you look at others you think they are skinnier. Honestly I think that's just girls in general. I don't have an eating disorder but my mind does things just like that. I'll see all my running friends and think they are skinnier, but when we take pictures together I see I'm just the same as them. Probably because when you see yourself you are looking from a different angle I guess. I don't really understand it but I just know that I am healthy and comfortable with the way I look!

Love you girl!! :)

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