Yes that is right, you read my post title correctly...I HATE shopping. Especially clothes shopping when I have an eating disorder...it is no fun at ALL. I will get more on this later.
Breakfast this morning featured some new cereal, Nature's Path Optimum Strawberry & Yogurt! This cereal had pieces of strawberries and yogurt clusters, although I could only really taste the strawberries (I think my sister picked all the yogurt pieces out to eat!)
In my yogurt mess I had Yoplait Greek yogurt, 1 cup Nature Path's Strawberry & Yogurt cereal, and a sliced banana topped with Crazy Richar'd's creamy peanut butter with a glass of milk on the side.
I LOVE how much the natural sunlight can make such a difference on the photos! The sunlight is my new friend :)After breaky I actually snuggled back into my bed for a bit as if nine hours of sleep wasn't enough ;) But hey a girls gotta catch up on her sleep while at home!
I then got myself outta bed to shower and get ready for the day. After I was ready I had a little morning snack of a Vanilla Boost and a Nut Delight Kind bar. Omg, remember how last time I tried this bar for the first time a few days ago I said it was very hard? Well today I swear the bar was even harder! I don't know what is up with that?! I really do like the combination of nuts and the touch of honey the bar has but I do not like how it almost breaks my teeth. Alright Jenna that might be a bit of exageration, but ya get the point! Maybe the next bar I try will be a bit softer?Then my my two sisters, my mom and I were off to the mall! Now don't let this post title fool you becuse I am a MAJOR shopping! But ever since ED I have not really been all that excited about clothes shopping :/ I mean I have worked in retail in all and love clothes but ever since ED I hate buying clothes for myself because they usually don't look good on me or they don't fit me right. Now this afternoon while I was at the mall I was very excited to do some shopping because I have a LOT of gift cards from Christmas and all the summer clothes are out and they are all super cute, I want them all. But then I realized as the warmer weather comes I am not gonna be able to hide my body underneath my sweatshirts and sweatpants. I am going to have to get rid of them and wear summer clothes. But do I really wanna be walking around in shorts and tanks looking like a skeleton?! Ummm...I think NOT! So it was very frustrating knowing I couldn't buy ANY summer clothes this afternoon because I would look like a freak in them :( So it really hit me hard while shopping that if I want to buy these cute summer clothes and look good in them I NEED to recover and gain weight! End of story.
We had lunch at the mall and I got a turkey & swiss cheese sub from D'Angelos with a bag of Baked Lays chips and I also had a milk jug that went unpictured. Before we left for the mall I made a goal for myself that I was not going to bring my own food to the mall and that I was going to eat what was there. I need to learn to adjust to certain conditions wherever I am. I must say I did complete my goal by not bringing my own food and I was proud of myself for getting CHIPS instead of bringing my own pretzels. Although they were still baked lays they were still chips! Chips are still one of my fear foods because I typically think of them as junk food. So I kinda think of that as a lil change! But I definitely should have gotten something else with this lunch and I was kinda disappointed with myself that I didn't :(
This afternoon I had one of my favs, a Chocolate Chip Clif Bar. My mom and I went out to visit my Grammy because she just gotten back from Florida this past week and I had to interview her for a Nursing paper I have! It was nice to see her after she spent over a month in the sunshine state! Can you say jealous?!
Dinner tonight was a big bowl of pasta with one huge meatball and a glass of milk. I made sure to get those carbs in ;)Well right now my two sisters are trying to convince me to drive them somewhere because they are bored! They are all wired up right now! Later on I am going to have a Chocolate milkshake!
So buhhh byeee for now and I will catch ya on the flip side! Have a good one ;)
27 comments:
Clothes shopping with an ED = the worst!! I much prefer to buy food than clothes..
i am having the same experience right now. i have to do this! im not spending another summer covered up! we can do it;-)
Jenna,
I know exactly what you mean about wearing "regular clothes" as opposed to sweats/etc-or more so summer cloths. I felt that way last summer, there were a couple days that REALLY stuck out for me-particularly taking my lil guy to the pool in our town and hanging around with his friends and their mom's, or even when we were at Disney-I was always trying to cover up what I KNEW looked "bad", "unnatural", "too skinny". I am trying to say, what you experienced today is a turning point. A GOOD one! USE IT! Hold onto it! Fast forward a year-I still remind myself how I felt that one particular day last summer at the pool and how I feel now... I feel a hell of a lot better. people tell me "you look great" and I smile and say thanks. It sure beats feeling like are a spectacle-no, it's not easy but it's worth trying.I'm so glad to read your post. I'm trying to put into words what I want to say but I end up saying too much. Hopefully you get the gist of my rambling.
;)
Keep going.
Long and short of my rambling post-I understand how you're feeling and I'm so glad you shared it. Use today as a motivator.
Have a fun joy-ride with your sisters.
I hated shopping last summer too... my mom even refused to buy me summer clothes because I looked horrible in them. I would totally recommend that you do not buy any new clothes until you gain weight, because you can make the new clothes a present for gaining weight!! Good Luck and please keep up with your meal plan!! :)
Girl, that pasta is begging for sauce! ;) It's saying "I'm NAKED!" :D
Kudos to you. Keep going.
Ciao bella (to go w/ the Italian theme).
I know what you mean about clothes, and I feel a LOT better now that I've restored some weight-I just tossed some old clothes today. Maybe you should do that now while you are feeling in "wise mind" ;).
I love your honesty in this post.
xo
way to get a lunch out!
ah shopping and me have a very love/hate relationship... some days I love it but most days I just do not [good for my wallet]
have fun with your sisters!
Hey! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Looks like we have something in common... I'm in nursing school as well :) Hope school isn't killing you too much. Love your site. I will definitely be following you!
aww... at least your mom and sis will still shop with you. mine won't because i'm 'disgusting' and people stare at me when i try stuff on :(
u shud be so proud of yourself because it is hard 2 go out somewhere whre the world of food is unknown. so give urself a pat on the back.it really upsets me too when i go shopping because i want to be able to buy and wear summer clothes, but i know i need to wait until i gain, and then i get frustrated at myself for not being there yet and then i worry that all the good stuff will be gone by the time i get to go and buy them!!! but hey, motivation right there ey? and think how gooood it will feel to buy them and wear them eventually!xxx
go Jenna! you are kicking so much a**!!! thats amazing that you were able to eat what was at the mall! i bet it was so nice for your mum and sisters to be able to eat with YOU and not the ED.
ps try putting the kind bar in the micro for like 10 sec; it should soften it a bit!
It is nice to know a lot of you went through the same thing as I did today!
It really was an eye opener and definitely put a spark in me to recover!!
I'm trying to think about it like this:
Gain the weight I need now, and once summer comes I won't need to be concerned about my changing body WHILE wearing skimpy clothes. I can enjoy myself, not worry about being stared at, and focus on LIFE and FRIENDS, NOT gaining weight!
Jenna,
I feel your pain. I too hate clothes shopping. Everything that I try on just doesn't look "right" or "perfect." It gives ED the perfect opportunity to bash me and to humiliate me.
That's great though that you had your family there with you while you went shopping and also for sticking to your meal plan for the remainder of the day! :)
You have been so brave lately, keep it up :D
I totally identify with the feeling of looking too skinny. It is weird, when I first started on my trip down "eating disorder-lane" I hated to try clothes because I thought I looked too big in them, now it is the complete opposite.
Use it as an motivation to eat, think about what an accomplishment it will be when you fit into clothes again. You are a beautiful girl now, but when you start to fit into clothes you will also be a healthier Jenna. Then the girl you see in the mirror will be a girl who respect herself and her body, and give it what it needs and deserve.
chocolate chip clifs are my absolute favorite!!! i could eat them all day, every day:)
I hate trying on clothes too! I used to be so excited to get new clothes but now it's not as fun. Especially when I was really underweight, I would try things on and look horrible in them. Also I had no idea what size to get because I didn't want to get anything that would fit me at that weight because I knew I was going to gain and I would think "will this fit me when I'm at my goal weight?" It was so frustrating! It was definitely a motivator to gain weight though.
Shopping for me goes hand in hand w/body image. If I have a good BI day, I'll enjoy shopping. Bad = nothing would convince me to venture into a store and try stuff on. Ughh..I hate ED! Makes life so difficult dammit. lol
Hey jenna !! I don't know if i've ever introduced my self! Love your blog! i just started mine.. after finally getting the courage to go for it! I've been reading blogs forevere.. i can totalllyyyy relate to this topic and DREAD shopping for all sorts of reasons similar and different to yours! your a very tough girl!! and that meatball is just calling my name.. it looks so nice and cozy to be home!! can't wait for easter! :)
hope we can be friends! :)
Def. already talked to you about all of this, so you know how I feel, but just incase you forgot, KEEP IT UP and you WILL be able to by cute summery clothes. Get those beautiful, natural, womanly curves back girl.
p.s. you can always make up for the lack of an extra food at lunch when you get home as well, maybe grab a handful of trail mix or something, just to make sure you got in those calories you may have missed :)
Love ya girl! Great job eating out, as usual
I definitely remember feeling so insecure come summertime when I was sick. I feel SO much better now, and I love being able to fill out a sundress. I know you can do it too! Take care!
hoep you are doing well Jenna!
Congrats on your lunch! Way to embrace the scary! I'm with you--I think I was the only person in my entire state to be excited when the spring weather turned winter weather again overnight....
thank ya girls! I am trying really hard :)
i had that problem with shopping when my ED was at its worse...but as i've grown out of it shopping is getting easier and easier...and i don't focus so much on the number on the tag.
Ughh i know the feeling!! I HATE SHOPPING with a passion, used to love it!! Now you couldnt pay me to do it.. It will get better, for the both of us :)
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