One year ago today

It was exactly one year ago today I went in-patient at Walden Behavioral Care at Children's Hospital Boston at Waltham for my eating disorder for a little over a month. I remember the whole experience very vividly because it truly did save my life. As much as I did NOT want to go there I knew I had to! Even though it has been a year since I went in-patient and I am still to this day recovering each day and I have learned so much about myself, my life, and food. I have definitely had my ups and downs through this past year.

But as I write this post I have realized it has been one year today that I have been battling this awful disease and that is just one year way too long. I would have never thought I would still be recovery today after a year but I am and I can't take it anymore! I cannot let ED ruin my life. He has taken away one year of my life and that is it! I must keep fighting each day from here on out because living a life with ED is so not worth it. From now on there is no going back, only forward :)

So now onto my eats...Last night for a snack was another Creamy Chocolate Milkshake. Again I let it sit in the freezer for a few hours to make it real cold and slushy!

Breaky this morning was a yog mess of Vanilla Brown Cow yogurt, Kashi Go Lean, sliced banana, and PB & Co. peanut butter with milk on the side.

This morning again it was raining out, blah! So I got ready for the day and got dressed in my rain boots and rain jacket and trucked to classes this morning.

Lunch was the typical turkey & swiss wheat wrap, pretzels, an apple, and milk.

For an afternoon snack I had a Chocolate Brownie Clif Bar that tasted well, exactly like a homemade chocolate brownie!

Dinner tonight was Autumn Tilapia, honey-glazed carrots with lemon thyme, mashed potatoes, and a Harvest dinner roll with milk.

I am now sitting here typing this post as I watch The Biggest Loser but I gotta peace out because my Nursing essay ain't gonna write itself!

Night lovies :)

Just another Monday

Hello pumpkins! Hope ya had a great start to your school and/or work week! Mine was very busy filled with 2 classes, 1 lecture, & 1 lab, and tonight I have to study all night for my Microbiology test tomorrow!

But before I shower and study tonight I think I will take the time to write this post for you all ;)

Last night for a snack I had another Creamy Chocolate Milkshake! This one was extra yummy because I frooze it at home for a few hours and then let it defrost so it tasted like a nice cold milkshake ;)This morning for breaky I had a blueberry yog mess with Blueberry Brown Cow yogurt and Kashi Heart to Heart Oat Flakes Wild Blueberry Clusters mixed with PB & Co. DCD peanut butter with milk on the side. 'Twas a delicious mess!My morning snack was a Vanilla Boost and an Almond & Apricot Kind Bar. These bars are really good! I tried this flavor for the first time and again did not let me down. This flavor had almonds and aprictos obviously! But what I loved about this bar was the pieces of coconut it had it in. The coconut took this bar to a whole other level!

On Mondays lunch is eaten during lecture...kinda awkward but hey it's what I gotta do!
I had a turkey & swiss wheat wrap with milk.Along with an apple and a bag of pretzels.

As you can see by my notes I have been spending every second I have today studying!
While studying I had a snack, a Peanut Toffee Buzz Clif Bar. This was my first time trying this bar and it was delish! It had a nice coating of icing on top and was filled with peanuts and pieces of toffee! Mmmm. I could really taste the peanut butter and the toffee :)

Then before I knew it it was already time for dinner :/ I have been having a really hard time at school with dinner and when I eat it. At home I usually eat dinner around 7pm but at school my girls usually go as early as 5! It is just really early for me because typically while I am home I don't even have my afternoon snack til like 4 or 4:30ish! So going to dinner this early at school is hard for me because it just seems like I had my afternoon snack :/ But none the less I do go to dinner with my girls despite what time it is because no matter what time it is I am going to have to have dinner eventually, so the time shouldn't even matter!
Dinner tonight was Mahi Mahi with green beans with mint, ginger rice, and an artisan panini roll with milk.

Today was just another Monday for me but I was feeling kind of blah today and I was letting ED get to me a lot :/ This past weekend I did pretty well while at home. I was glad I went home because I truly feel I do better at home and I knew I couldn't afford to slip so I thought going home would keep me in line and it did! I had no trouble eating and I did not let ED get to me. I like when I am at home I have the freedom to eat my meals and snacks when I want and spread them out evenly through the day which causes less stress for me. But while at school with classes and friends, my eating schedule is not always how I would like it to be, sometimes I have to eat my snack closer to my meal etc. This causes a little more stress on me because I would like to spread out my snacks and meals through the day so it does not seem like I am constantly eating. So that is one issue I am trying to deal with.

My Microbiology test is not gonna like me tomorrow morning if I don't study tonight so I gotta go shower and then study study study!!

Night loves :)

First Sunday of Spring!

Hey everyone! Hope your first weekend of Spring was beautiful :) Mine sure was!

I am gonna do a quick recap of my Sunday because I got some studying to get done and plus there are some good t.v. shows on tonight...The Apprentice & Wild Girls ;)
Breakfast this morning was a lil different. I had a Honey wheat english muffin with the last bits of Crazy Richard's (NOT so) creamy peanut butter, yogurt, a banana, and a glass of milk.Even though this jar is Crazy Richard's CREAMY peanut butter, once I got to the end the peanut butter wasn't all that creamy, it was rather grainy and hard :( Boo. I think this happens because of the oil separation. Since the pb was icky I decided just to throw away the rest of the jar and what was left of the pb (probs a tablespoon or so). Yes I know I threw away peanut butter! Sounds like a sin but trust me it was blahh. But look on the bright side now I get to open up another jar :)

After breaky I snuggled back up in my bed again to get a few more z's in my own bed ;) I then got up to shower and get ready for the day and then for my morning snack I had a Vanilla Boost and a Fruit & Nut Delight Kind bar.

Then at noon I drove my middle sister to the gym to meet up with her friend. Driving to the gym today brought back lots of bad memories from this past winter break when I drageg myself to the gym and put myself through so much pain and work :( It was nice to just drive to the gym knowing I wasn't doing that today. Then I got back home and worked on my Microbiology study guide since I have a test on Tuesday!! Then it was already time to pick her up a little while later. One the way home I stopped at Subway to pick up some lunch!
I had a turkey & swiss cheese on wheat bread (with a lil bit of mayo!) along with Original Sunchips, an apple, and milk.Then I worked on more of my study guide and later had this Crunchy Peanut Butter Clif Bar as a snack. Before I headed back to school my mom and youngest sis went to Chili's for dinner. I ordered the Margarita Grilled Chicken which was awesome! This was the first time I had this meal as I usually order the salmon. But tonight I was feeling adventurous and got something new! It was a Classic Margarita-flavored grilled chicken with hints of lime and citrus, served with rice, black beans, tortilla strips and house-made pico de gallo. I think I found a new favorite and will definitely be getting this again. I recommend giving it a try next time you go to Chili's!

I am glad to be back at school after a nice weekend at home and now I am peacin' outta hereee! G'night lovies :)

I HATE shopping!

Yes that is right, you read my post title correctly...I HATE shopping. Especially clothes shopping when I have an eating disorder...it is no fun at ALL. I will get more on this later.

Breakfast this morning featured some new cereal, Nature's Path Optimum Strawberry & Yogurt! This cereal had pieces of strawberries and yogurt clusters, although I could only really taste the strawberries (I think my sister picked all the yogurt pieces out to eat!)
In my yogurt mess I had Yoplait Greek yogurt, 1 cup Nature Path's Strawberry & Yogurt cereal, and a sliced banana topped with Crazy Richar'd's creamy peanut butter with a glass of milk on the side.I LOVE how much the natural sunlight can make such a difference on the photos! The sunlight is my new friend :)

After breaky I actually snuggled back into my bed for a bit as if nine hours of sleep wasn't enough ;) But hey a girls gotta catch up on her sleep while at home!
I then got myself outta bed to shower and get ready for the day. After I was ready I had a little morning snack of a Vanilla Boost and a Nut Delight Kind bar. Omg, remember how last time I tried this bar for the first time a few days ago I said it was very hard? Well today I swear the bar was even harder! I don't know what is up with that?! I really do like the combination of nuts and the touch of honey the bar has but I do not like how it almost breaks my teeth. Alright Jenna that might be a bit of exageration, but ya get the point! Maybe the next bar I try will be a bit softer?

Then my my two sisters, my mom and I were off to the mall! Now don't let this post title fool you becuse I am a MAJOR shopping! But ever since ED I have not really been all that excited about clothes shopping :/ I mean I have worked in retail in all and love clothes but ever since ED I hate buying clothes for myself because they usually don't look good on me or they don't fit me right. Now this afternoon while I was at the mall I was very excited to do some shopping because I have a LOT of gift cards from Christmas and all the summer clothes are out and they are all super cute, I want them all. But then I realized as the warmer weather comes I am not gonna be able to hide my body underneath my sweatshirts and sweatpants. I am going to have to get rid of them and wear summer clothes. But do I really wanna be walking around in shorts and tanks looking like a skeleton?! Ummm...I think NOT! So it was very frustrating knowing I couldn't buy ANY summer clothes this afternoon because I would look like a freak in them :( So it really hit me hard while shopping that if I want to buy these cute summer clothes and look good in them I NEED to recover and gain weight! End of story.
We had lunch at the mall and I got a turkey & swiss cheese sub from D'Angelos with a bag of Baked Lays chips and I also had a milk jug that went unpictured. Before we left for the mall I made a goal for myself that I was not going to bring my own food to the mall and that I was going to eat what was there. I need to learn to adjust to certain conditions wherever I am. I must say I did complete my goal by not bringing my own food and I was proud of myself for getting CHIPS instead of bringing my own pretzels. Although they were still baked lays they were still chips! Chips are still one of my fear foods because I typically think of them as junk food. So I kinda think of that as a lil change! But I definitely should have gotten something else with this lunch and I was kinda disappointed with myself that I didn't :(This afternoon I had one of my favs, a Chocolate Chip Clif Bar. My mom and I went out to visit my Grammy because she just gotten back from Florida this past week and I had to interview her for a Nursing paper I have! It was nice to see her after she spent over a month in the sunshine state! Can you say jealous?! Dinner tonight was a big bowl of pasta with one huge meatball and a glass of milk. I made sure to get those carbs in ;)

Well right now my two sisters are trying to convince me to drive them somewhere because they are bored! They are all wired up right now! Later on I am going to have a Chocolate milkshake!

So buhhh byeee for now and I will catch ya on the flip side! Have a good one ;)

My milkshake brings all the boys to yard

Ok tell me when ever you here "The Milkshake song" you always think of the movie Mean Girls?! Because I certainly do!

You are probably wondering why I am talking about the milkshake song and Mean Girls and I will tell you why because last night for a snack instead of having a Boost I had something different...a Creamy Chocolate MILKSHAKE! Hollah. I was quite hesitant before drinking this because it was a milkshake and all so I knew it was going to be thicker and creamier than a Boost. But I challenged myself and I did it, I drank the milkshake and it was yummayyy :)

And guess what? The best part was this morning when I woke up I was still the same person and nothing happened to me!

For breakfast I had a yogurt mess of Vanilla Brown Cow yogurt, 1 cup Kashi Heart to Heart Honey Toasted Oats and a sliced banana with Crazy Richard's creamy peanut butter on top and milk on the side.

Then after enjoying breaky I still had lots of time until my one and only 11:30 English class of the day. Love having only one class on Fridays! So I lounged around the room and got ready for the day. But before I left for class I had this Red Machine Naked Juice (new to me) and a Fruit & Nut Delight Kind bar.After class I debating on whether or not to go home for the weekend and of course I decided to go home ;)After one hour of driving I was home sweet home! I was pretty hungry for lunch since it was nearly 2:30. I grabbed lunch at the dining hall before I left, smart thinkin' on my part. So when I got home all I had to do was plate it up and eat! I had a turkey & swiss whole wheat wrap, pretzels, an apple, and a glass of milk. Didn't this picture come out really well?! At least I think so, it must have been from all the beautiful natural sunlight :)

Then less than two hours later I was already having my afternoon snack. I sometimes feel like all I do is eat, eat, eat but it is what I HAVE to do right now.

This was my first time having a Balance Bar ever and let me tell you it did not dissapoint. This afternoon I tried the Chocolate Mint Cookie Crunch bar a.k.a. Girl Scouts Thin Mint Cookie in a healthy bar form! What's not to love about it? This bar was simply ahh-mazing. I loved the chocolate mint flavor and especially the cookie crunch it had to it! I will definitely be having this flavor again and can't wait to try the other flavors as well.

Tonight for dinner my middle sister and I went to Panera Bread and of course I ordered the BBQ Chopped Chicken salad with a french baguette on the side. Absolutely love this salad! Although next time I wanna try the Mediterranean Salmon salad!

So there ya have it, all my eats from today! I am now spending time with the fam tonight and then later gonna have a snackie before bed. Ahh can't wait to sleep in my own bed! Whoo. Since I haven't been sleeping well at school I am hoping to get a good nights sleep tonight and ready to take on tomorrow!

I am not sure what exactly is up for tomorrow but I am thinking a trip to the mall is definitely in order. Now that this lovely spring time weather is around I am getting so excited :) I gotta enjoy it while it lasts! Oh yeah and I can't wait til tomorrow because it it supposed to be in the 70's and it is also the first day of spring :)

Enjoy your last night of winter!

F'Real

Happy Thursday! Whooo tomorrow is already Friday! The weeks seem to just be flyin' by lateyl. Anyone else with me?

So last night I switched up my evening snack. What what! My dining hall has a make your own milkshake and smoothie machine that has been a big hit among students! I have been wanting to try one real bad since the beginning of the semester but I just haven't been daring enough until last night when I finally ventured and got a Blueberry Raspberry Pomegranate Smoothie!
I was very anxious before hand since this was something new for me. Well I mean I have definitely had smoothies before but not since my ED. But I must tell you it was delicious and I enjoyed every single 16 ounces of it. I was proud I reincorporated something I used to eat before ED back into my life.This morning I had a yog mess and I added a lil something to it. I had Vanilla Brown Cow yogurt, 1 cup Kashi Heart to Heart Honey Toasted Oat, sliced banana, and 1/4 cup Kashi Go Lean Crunch, topped with Crazy Richard's creamy peanut butter with milk on the side.After two classes I had my mid-morning snackaroo which was a Vanilla Boost with a NEW bar to me, I tried the Nut Delight Kind bar. This bar was filled with almonds, peanuts, Brazil nuts, and walnuts and had a nice touch of honey to it. The only thing I didn't like about this flavor was how hard it was (TWSS). But no seriously it was very hard to bite into, not like the other Fruit & Nut Delight Kind bar. But I will still be having these again in the future!

Then I had one more class and got some lunch with the girls in the dining hall. I was in the deli line planning on getting my usual lunch but I decided to challenge myself and get something different! I just always think I have to have a sandwich/wrap for lunch since it is a common lunchtime meal. But that is so not true because I realize not everyone in the dining hall is in the deli line, they are getting all different things to eat. That is what the dining hall provides so many options because it would be quite boring to eat the same thing day after day which I am finally coming to realize ;)
Today for lunch the action station was serving chicken caesar salad so I decided to go ahead and get it. I also had a baked potato and an apple on the side with milk. I was proud I not only got the salad but also a baked potato because I usually don't have them since ED tells me they are filled with carbs, but hey my body needs those CARBS! The salad had REAL caesar dressing, croutons, and parmesan cheese on top. One of me fear foods is dressings and condiments on foods. But lately I have been incorporating salad dressings back into my meals, like when I go to Panera and order the amazing BBQ Chopped Chicken salad which has BBQ ranch dressing on it! Dinner tonight was my usual lunchtime meal, nothing special. Turkey & swiss cheese whole wheat wrap, pretzels, a not yet ripe pear, and milk.

Well I am off to shower then get some work done before relaxing for the rest of the night. I am debating whether or not going home this weekend. I am leaning towards going home because I feel I do well eating wise while at home! Also because I want to continue going in the right direction in recovery and to see the fam ;)

Have a nice Thursday night!

Luck O' The Irish

Happy St. Patty's Day! I hope you all have had a splendid day so far. The weather just keeps getting better and better each day and I am lovin' it ;)Are you doing anything special and/or fun to celebrate?!This morning started off with a yogurt mess with Vanilla Brown Cow yogurt, Kashi Go Lean, sliced banana, and Crazy Richard's creamy peanut butter with milk on the side.Then I was off to my Intro. to Nursing class.My mid-morning snack was an OJ Naked Juice and a Fruit & Night Delight Kind bar. After my two afternoon classes I grabbed some lunch. I had a veggie burger with swiss cheese on toasted whole wheat bread, pretzels, an apple, and milk. Then I had to my weekly appointment with Karen which went alright! She told me I just need to continue on getting in ENOUGH calories each day! I also told her I am challenging myself more each day :)

I had service learning this afternoon at Girls Inc. for two hours which went well. I don't know if it is the nice weather or the fact today is Saint Patty's Day but everyone at school is acting cray cray ;) Gotta love college.Tonight for dinner I challenged myself and got something new! I got vegetable fried rice with chicken, a Harvest Oat dinner roll, and chocolate milk. It was delicious and I ate it with no regret or problem at all! I was proud of switching it up instead of getting the same old boring chicken, plain veggies, and roll.

Anyone watching Disney channels Luck of The Irish movie tonight?!

Admit it! I know some of you out there are! I always think of this movie when it comes to St. Patty's day.

Well tata for now my lil shamrocks ;) Have a great night!